25 F: Family pushes rishta (mum unwell), guy 5’4, I'm unattracted. Hypocritical?

[Murali]

I'm 25F and right now my mum is quite unwell. Because of that, my entire family has been after me to say yes to a rishta that came our way. On paper it apparently looks decent (guy is educated, good family, stable job, etc.).

But here's the thing, he is only 5'4 and I'm 5'3 myself and I've always wanted my partner to be at least 5'8 or taller. On top of that, I don't find him attractive at all.

My family keeps telling me "you have to compromise, beta, looks and height don't matter, character does, time is passing, your mum is not well..." etc. I'm feeling so much pressure and guilt. But I'm only 25. I feel like I still have time to meet more people and I don't want to settle just because of the family situation.

They're also guilt tripping me by bringing up examples of my cousins who got married quite late and still had to compromise in one way or the other.  I don't mind compromising but I have major issues with this match:

• He is only 5'4 (I'm 5'3 and have always wanted someone at least 5'8 or taller - Unless you guys are some doodh ki paris where you guys would be okay to settle down for someone whose short)

•  He lives in a different country than mine

•  Most importantly, I don't find him attractive at all (apart from his height).

Am I being hypocritical or too picky? Should I just accept and compromise, or is it okay to hold out for someone I'm actually attracted to?

Please help a girl out, I'm really confused and stressed

[Nikhil]

If you're not happy, then don't it although i Believe in " looks don't matter" but you don't, so just say no to him directly

[Payal]

Nope don't settle! You can't be miserable for the rest of your life just because your family wants your mum to see a wedding.

For extra support, see if your mom can shut all this down and give you your time to find someone you like in looks and character!

[Meera]

You really should NOT go ahead. Not just for you but for the sake of the boy aswell. You need someone you're attracted to. He also deserves someone who is attracted to him. You might not be able to respect him if you're not attracted to him.

[Nisha]

You're up against classic emotional blackmail, don't get married if you don't want to, it's not just you the guy also deserves someone who'll atleast like him and attraction if you can't feel that then don't go forward. Also don't get married to anyone because of family pressure, get married because you want to.

[Chiranjit]

Had a similar situation OP i was 26 and my mom was really sick she wanted me to accept a guy who was 31 and it neared till the point of engagement and broke it off because it wasn't worth it. Highly incompatible. Dont compromise. Life will become hell and you might always keep thinking what if i had chosen better for myself.

[Rajesh]

Height doesn't matter. You know what matters? You don't want to marry him. You don't need a reason and you don't need to justify it. Marriage is for the rest of your life. Your mother being sick is irrelevant, although I'm sure your family will use any excuse to control you. If you go along with what they want just to keep the peace today you will spend the rest of your life suffering for it.

[Sakshi]

I personally know a woman who went through almost the EXACT SAME SITUATION . Her mother passed away, her remaining family barely cared and she stayed married to that man despite being deeply unhappy the entire time. She was forced into that marriage and her unhappiness seeped into EVERYTHING..including her kids unfortunately.

He wasn't a bad person either but he has crippling insecurities..I guess it came from sensing that his own wife didn't want him. He could feel the resentment, even when she tried to hide it. I know coz she said this to me..she had immense guilt there, she think she destroyed his life.

You do not want to end up there. When everyone else eventually fades from your life, the only constant is your partner. Don't let emotional blackmail corner you into a future you'll regret.

And remember, there's an expiry date on blaming your parents especially once children come into the picture. At that point, the responsibility falls on you and the choices you made. You can't pin it on anyone else anymore.

DONT DO THIS.

[Chirag]

OP, you should not marry simply because you're compelled to. That almost never works out. This is your life, and eventually you decide who you're going to marry/whether you want to marry or not.

But that aside, height does not matter. What if you meet someone amazing organically, who isn't what, above 5"8? Will you still turn them down?
I'm not saying you should marry someone you're not physically attracted to - absolutely not. But if you have a pre-bias about someone because of their height, that's just sad, you could be missing out on someone great.

Just saying, as I didn't like the tone in which you mentioned "where you guys settle for someone who's short".

[Anupama]

Looks stop mattering the minute you get married. You will always and always remember how he treats you more than how tall he is.

You definitely shouldn't compromise on height if that's such dealbreaker for you - but worth exploring to see if this guy is exceptional in every other department.

I got married pretty late too - and yeah you have to compromise- but here's the thing, I did not have to compromise on my deal breakers (dowry, height, independence post marriage).

Also height would be more of an issue if you were like 5 7 or something. Could be difficult to find tall guys. At 5 3 there would be ample guys who are 5 7 and above, who you maybe compatible with.

Do give this guy a fair chance - but, you can and should say no if you don't feel you are compatible.

[Monica]

1 - You shouldn't be emotionally blackmailed into a marriage

2- it's a bit superficial to put someone down based on looks (your comments about others being doodh ki paris if we can date shorter guys) is uncalled for. It's fine if you're not attracted. But putting someone down is kinda cringey. There's people who go for personality over looks

3- you don't really seem to know or care about the guy you'd be with beyond physical attributes. Yes, attraction is important but you don't really seem to know what the guys like - his behaviour, mentality, how he is as a person or his interests. And I doubt he knows you either. You'd know atleast this much basic stuff before being friends with someone