Why are we girls treated like a Passover responsibility in our own houses? 27F

[Tanuja]

I had a conversation with my mom last night that I can't get out of my head.

We were just joking around and I randomly asked her who her favourite daughter is (I have two sisters). She said she cares about me the most right now because I'm not married yet, because I'm still their "responsibility."

That just didn't sit right with me. So I asked her, half joking, half serious - so what happens after I get married? You'll just stop caring?

And she casually said yes, then someone else will take care of you and they'll be free. Free from what exactly?

Like what am I then? A responsibility you're just waiting to pass on?

And the worst part is, she kept asking me what's wrong after that, and I couldn't even explain it. Because how do you explain something like this to someone who genuinely doesn't see anything wrong with what they said?

I'm independent. I earn for myself, take care of my expenses, and even help them financially. I show up for them. I do my part.

And still, in their head, I'm just "not married yet."

And this isn't even a one-off thing.

We were having another conversation about my brothers visiting India with their wives. I casually said, "I'm not giving up my room for them, okay mom."

And she laughed and said, "Let's hope you get married by then so your room can get empty and they can stay there."

Again, said as a joke. But it just hit the same nerve. Like my existence here is temporary. My space is temporary. I'm just... occupying it until I leave.

And in that moment, I couldn't even defend myself. Because what exactly am I defending? My place in my own home?

It feels like you're constantly up against years and years of conditioning and patriarchy, and it's exhausting trying to explain why something like this hurts.

I know she didn't mean it in a bad way. This is just how she's been taught to think. But that doesn't make it hurt any less.

[Bhavin]

These subtle small things makes me so angry. Tbh they are not small and not a joke for sure, It is just tip of bigger issue

[Irfan]

Your mom sounds EXACTLY LIKE MY MOM. all these years whenever I asked her permission to go out on trips or just party or wear something I like she would say ki pati ke saath jo karna hai vo karna. And then I used to be like ki pehle aapki n papa ke under raho and then pati and in laws k under raho so when tf do I get my own freedom? Ofcourse she innocently said this is how it has been happening since generations. Lol.

Today I earn well, support my family in all big n small things and when I tell her I wish to support you in future as well in limited capacity she would go ki once u r married we have no right to take ur money etc. I mean wtf?

It's sad but I am sure most women face this on daily basis and unfortunately there is not much we can do to change the mindset of an entire generation.

[Neha]

not my houseold

[Raj]

Right? So annoying and heart breaking

I say you buy your own house so you'll always have a place and no one has to give you a place.. even with in laws they say your parents house is your house and this is temporary..

[Manav]

Same thing with my mom too, no matter what I accomplish it always comes down to my non-existent future husband. One day things go serious because I wasn't helping around in kitchen for which she said how will i survive at in laws and who will marry you for which I said that I won't get married to wash dishes and she replied "so will you be a burden on us and ruin our reputation in society".

So many fights happened that now whenever they say something offensive I just laugh it off and say that I will leave them and won't come back again. They think its a joke.

[Kiran]

It's because they don't care for daughters as human beings. We exist to "bring honour" to them in society. If something happens to us when we live in their house, parents get scared that "chaar log" will point fingers at them.

Once you get married, go to your husbands house, they don't give a fuck if you're raped, beaten, abused, die. Because then the fingers will point to the in-laws.

I hate how the PARENTS are elevated to the status of gods in this society. About 70% of parents in this country (and this is me being nice) don't give a flying fuck about their kids, especially their doctors.

You all need to be shouting at your parents more. People from that generation don't react well to discourse or therapy speak. As they themselves say "laaton ke bhoot baaton se nahi mantey"

[Pavithra]

I have made it clear that this home belongs to me whether I will marry someone or not... Most of Indian parents want to marry off their  daughters so they can make space for their raja betas and their wives. ... Which isn't fair, if my brother wants to get married he should buy a separate property and stay there with his wife, instead of dreaming about snatching my rights over my parents'property... I don't like this setup where I am expected to adjust and sacrifice for others. Just because I was born a women...my brother wants to get rid of me so he can start a new life in my paternal home, don't want me to have any claim on inheritance while Indian men cry about how their wives are living rent free in their home and eating food, cry about paying alimony) child support... I am not gonna bow down to their demands, if they are so eager to get rid of me what will happen to me if my relationship with husband doesn't works out, they won't even allow me back.. Because now that house belongs to  so called bhaiya bhabhi... Your parents home = your brother's home, your in-laws/ husband home = husband's home... Where the f* ck is my home?

[Anita]

Even if you manage to put your thoughts together in words and put them out there, they are just gonna shrug them off. It's not that they can't see the logic, they just believe that they can't be wrong cuz how can millions of people who think along the same lines be wrong?

My relationship with my mother is on crumbling terms and frankly, I couldn't care less.

[Vandana]

Every Indian parent is (or atleast 99%) are same, they all think as soon as girl enters in 20s or mid 20s, their only goal is to get her married. Even if they're educated or whatever- daughter is just burden they need to get rid of (but our society sugarcoat it and call it responsibility)

[Radhika]

And that is why, girls, we shall always strive to build our own home.