Feeling really frustrated and upset

[Cricfan]

I've been married for just a few months and I'm already feeling so resentful towards my partner and our living situation - it's just not working out. We're living with his dad who's not well, and I'm finding it tough to adjust. I feel angry all the time, especially when I'm on my period, and I just don't want to talk to him. We keep fighting over small things and it's creating a huge gap between us. I'm not sure if we can fix this. I moved to his city, left my home, and now I'm living in a rented apartment with him and his dad. Maybe I wasn't thinking clearly when I agreed to this. The truth is, I feel like I'm losing myself. I'm not being myself anymore, I'm just trying to fit in all the time. My partner isn't making things easier for me. His dad's health is the priority, which is fair, but that doesn't mean my feelings don't matter. We've also got a caretaker living with us, so it's just me and three guys, which is pretty uncomfortable. I thought I could handle it, but two months in, it's just not working. We're having issues with food, space, routines - everything is a struggle. I don't want to go into all the details, but I'm seriously thinking of getting my own place in the same city or even moving back home. I've tried talking to my partner, but I don't think he gets how I'm feeling. I hate to say it, but it feels like I'm expected to adjust to everything and everyone, and that's just not fair. I'm not talking to him properly right now, I'm just giving him the cold shoulder, which isn't like me. I usually want to talk things through, but right now, I'm just not interested. I feel like I'm rebelling in my own way, because I don't know what else to do. I just don't know how long I can keep feeling like this.

[Bhavana]

Honestly, I don't get how people agree to live with their parents. I just don't see how it can work out. I don't have any solutions, but I hope things get better for you. You'll figure it out, good luck.

[Anupama]

You've moved to a new city and you're living in a house where everything is about your partner's dad, so it's no wonder you feel like you've lost control of your life. But giving him the cold shoulder and building up all this anger inside you isn't going to fix anything. If this situation is making you miserable, you need to talk about it and think about other options, like living separately but still being close by. Right now, you're expecting your partner to understand how you're feeling without actually talking about what's going on, and that's just going to make things worse.

[Shankar]

Is your partner normally caring and helpful? Maybe he can help you out. You should have him read this post - I can feel your frustration and anger just from reading it. If he's a decent person, he'll understand that marriage is about both partners adjusting and helping each other. It's sad to hear you're so unhappy just two months into your marriage. I hope you guys can talk and resolve this. You need to control your anger and learn to communicate without it. It's not you against him, it's both of you against the world. Don't sabotage your relationship. I wish you happiness and all the best.

[Aarti]

I live with my brother-in-law, sister-in-law, their kid, and my parents-in-law - it's crazy. But there are a few things that help me cope. First, I make time for myself. I take an hour or so each day to do something I love, and I spend money on it too. I don't compromise on this, I just do it my way. I go for a swim in the morning, and even though my in-laws aren't happy about it, I do it anyway. You can do something similar, like baking or drawing - just make sure you do it every day and don't skip it. Second, take breaks and visit friends, family, or neighbors - anyone you're comfortable with. Third, don't apologize for setting boundaries. Be clear about what you want and don't worry if you don't get it.

[Sunita]

I think it's okay to feel low or exhausted, and I get why you'd feel like you're the one who's always adjusting. Living with three guys can be tough, especially when it comes to small things or privacy. Maybe you're finding it hard to speak up because of the situation, but it's okay to try and talk to your partner. Why not plan a small outing with just the two of you, even if it's just for a few hours? I'm suggesting this because I've seen how tough it can be when someone you love is ill. My grandma was sick for years, and my parents' life basically revolved around taking care of her. My dad always made sure we were close by, even if it meant moving houses or living in the same building but different apartments. It was tough, but we made it work. If it was your parent or sibling who was ill, you'd want your partner to support you, right? It's tough mentally for everyone, but it's valid to feel what you're feeling. Maybe you can try to feel like yourselves again by spending some alone time outside or doing activities together. You could even make one room a comfy movie or hobby room to hang out in.

[Pankaj]

You should think about moving to your own place for a bit and see how you feel.

[Nath]

I was in a similar situation a few years ago, and reading your post brought back memories. My partner's dad had early signs of dementia, and instead of finding a balance, my partner thought it was all on him to 'save' his family. A lot of guys are raised to think their duty to their parents is more important than anything else, and that can mean the wife gets ignored. I was even told that our relationship would have to be 'put on hold' because caring for his dad was the only priority. What made it worse was that the stress and frustration started falling on me, and I was treated like the problem. The hardest part was that my partner never understood why it was affecting me or acknowledged that I was a human being in the situation. I'm really sorry you're going through this. My advice is to protect your mental peace - living in a situation where your feelings are constantly ignored can leave deep scars. It took me years of therapy to process the trauma and feeling of abandonment. You deserve to be seen, heard, and valued too.