Why is conceiving so hard?

[Vivek]

Okay, after many years we finally decided to try for a baby. We always used protection, never had unprotected sex. Two years ago we started trying, thinking one shot during ovulation would be enough because we were always protected. We tried twice in two months, both on the ovulation days, but nothing happened. I went for scans, doctor said my eggs are fine and advised us to have sex continuously for a week or more. The problem is, my husband and I hardly have sex—maybe once in six months. So that one time during ovulation was already a big effort. We tried again, but it felt tiring and boring, so we stopped. Now I really want a child, but we keep falling into the same pattern: one attempt and then nothing. I'm worried we'll never have a kid. Friends suggested other methods, but I heard they're painful, and I don't want to go through more pain if nature isn't helping. My husband also wants a child but isn't keen on the effort. How does this even work?

[Cricfan]

Most of what you need to know is already in your post. Trying just once during ovulation isn't enough for most couples—you'd have to be extremely lucky or very fertile. You say sex feels tiring and boring, and you're only doing it once every few months. That's not how conception works. I'm not judging you, but maybe the way you're having sex isn't right for you. If it feels like a chore, you won't want to do it more often.

About the other methods: yes, they can be painful and require effort. That's why, working on your intimacy, frequency, and timing might be a much better and more natural starting point before jumping to those options.

[Pradeep]

I don't want to invade your privacy, but I have a few questions. Is it mutual that you both don't have sex often? Is it only you who wants a child?

I understand love can be beyond the physical. Make sure you're both on the same page.

I'm sharing this because I've seen a couple who married after a love marriage, lived like friends with almost no sex, the wife wanted intimacy but it wasn't happening. She hoped a child would change things, but it turned out the husband was cheating and not into commitment. I'm not trying to scare you—if this arrangement works for you, that's fine.

[Hardik]

I'll only comment on the timing aspect, not everyone feels the need for intimacy/sex and that's okay.

Ovulation can occur on different days for different women and even varies each cycle. The egg lives only 12‑24 hours, so it must meet the sperm within that window.

Sperm can survive a few days, which is why it's recommended to have sex every other day during the ovulation week and every two days otherwise. Figure out your "ovulation week", have sex every other day. Use ovulation test kits and check daily; on the ovulation day, definitely have sex. This will boost your chances.

The reason they advise using protection throughout the cycle is twofold: first, to avoid STDs; second, because you can ovulate early, late, or in the middle of the cycle, and they don't want you risking an unwanted pregnancy.

[Shalini]

Not being judgemental, but you need to do this:

First, make sure both you and your husband want kids.

If you still don't want to have sex that often, at least track ovulation with kits and have sex at least three times in your fertile window on alternate days—before the peak, on the day, and if possible the day after. Ovulation day changes each month. For example, if ovulation is on day 16, have sex on days 10, 12, 14, 16, 17, 18—at least!

Having sex once a month and expecting a pregnancy is like hoping for a miracle; you'll just waste time. You didn't mention your age, but you said "after a long time," so I'm assuming you're in your 30s, which makes effort important.

If this still doesn't work, consider IUI at a good hospital. It may take a few cycles, but if both of you are healthy, you can avoid the frequent‑sex route. Keep in mind the hospital visits, egg‑size checks, and scans are a chore.

Since both of you are in good health, IVF is probably not needed. Honestly, it's easier to have sex during the fertile window than to go through assisted reproduction.

[Basavaraj]

You need to sort out your sex life, sorry to be blunt.

Use an ovulation kit to track your fertile days. Have sex 5‑6 days before and 2 days after ovulation, every alternate day at least. That's what worked for me. Also, having regular sex is super important.

[Falguni]

Putting your sex life aside (it's unrelated to wanting a child), you should educate yourself a bit more on how conception works. It's a misconception that trying once a month guarantees pregnancy. You need to track ovulation and make multiple attempts—alternate days around your fertile window are fine.

[Pranay]

Meanwhile teenagers just holding hands.
Edit: thanks for the upvotes, everyone!

[Shivam]

I didn't get pregnant naturally, so we used letrozole. During my medicated cycle, we were told to have sex every day for four days leading up to ovulation and on the ovulation day itself. I even stayed with my legs up for an hour after intercourse to maximise chances. I got pregnant on the second attempt and now have a healthy toddler.

[Nikita]

I thought we'd discuss how hard it actually is, but doing it once per cycle and complaining is just funny. Also, the older you get, the more effort it takes.

[Sachin]

"Now I feel like I wanna have kids", it's not an on‑demand service, unfortunately. I'm sorry, but the tone of your post is very casual for something as serious as pregnancy and children. Please think it through more seriously, especially the part about wanting kids in the first place.