30M guy’s reply: is it off?

[Ishita]

(Used ChatGPT to write, too tired to type this lol)

So I've been chatting with a guy with marriage in mind. We haven't talked about sex at all yet, everything's been pretty normal.

I asked him a straight‑forward question: what superficial traits do you look for in a partner?

His reply kind of threw me off.

He sent this (copy‑pasted as is):

"You obviously want someone hot and banging, someone who's good at English wagerah wagerah. Someone who can be cool around my friends and who my friends find cool as well. I have always had a thing for girls with huge tits and ass. (You told me to keep political correctness aside) Most of my exes were. But the superficiality for me gets trumped/vanishes the second there's a genuine connection, that's kind of what I long for more."

Concern #1 – The way he said it
I get that the question invites a superficial answer, that's fine.
But the way he phrased it—specifically saying "tits and ass"—felt very off. At this stage, when you're just getting to know someone for something as serious as marriage, I'd expect a bit more tact or elegance.
He could have said "curvy" or "well‑rounded". The direct wording just felt... objectifying. I can't shake that feeling.

Concern #2 – Preferences vs long‑term reality
I have no issue with people having physical preferences. Everyone does, and they should pursue what they genuinely like.
But I'm quite petite, and he clearly prefers a very different body type (he even mentioned his exes were like that).
From what I've seen, women can sometimes move past their "type" if there's a strong emotional connection. I'm not sure men work the same way.
What if someone compromises now, but that preference never goes away? Does it turn into dissatisfaction or resentment later?
Am I overthinking this or is this a valid concern?

[Arnav]

He could have said someone with an hourglass figure.

Chill, he's fine.

[Varun]

First – the guy was being bold, could have used better words though.

Second – I think he's still focused on the honeymoon phase rather than long‑term stability. Eventually people also get bored of an hourglass figure. You're right about the second point.

[Tarun]

For point 1, many of us men don't have a refined vocab or we often don't "sugarcoat" things. While I wouldn't have said anything like that early on, I wouldn't be too worried right now. I doubt he meant it literally. But his tone and overall style matter.

Point 2 is a bit more complex. A lot of us men don't have a single "type". We have a range – okay with a girl up to a certain body fat and not too skinny. It's a preference or bias, but not strong enough to say no just because someone is different. Especially for marriage; we're more particular for dating. Attraction does grow.

I'd recommend not over‑reading these "obviously he has a type" thoughts. You'll know if he's attracted to you or not.

[Bhavesh]

Trophy wife, huh?

Ask him if he can let go of his fantasy stuff.
Real world doesn't work like that.

[Daksha]

I'm surprised that sexual talk can even happen in an AM setup. Worst case, the girl screenshots this and shows it to her parents. Maybe you're open‑minded and cool, and guys like that. Coming to your main point, his answer sounds very crass. A guy his age should be refined enough to use the right kind of words; it shows how socially calibrated he is. He could have used "curvy" instead. Maybe he wanted to shock you a bit, as some girls get turned on by such direct, crass talk. You need to analyse him more to see if he sees women just as a way to have sex or treats them better even without thinking about sex. You're totally right about what you experienced.

[Juhi]

I wouldn't accept that kind of vocabulary from someone I'm not close to or romantically involved with.

[Mohan]

Woah, woah, woah – I'm really disappointed with the answers here. There's no way someone in an AM setting can say something like that to a person they respect or see as a future wife. I'd let it slide if he were a college student and this was a hookup chat. The tone and the way it's said is a definite no for me.
I'd definitely take it as a sign that the other person doesn't like me enough.

[Rahul]

This kind of language might be okay once you two are a bit closer, but not before.

[Sachin]

You'll be making a big mistake if you keep pursuing him. He has zero situational awareness of how his words land, and that'll be the case every single day. Think about the traits that will affect your everyday life, not just insecurities or looks.

[Devendra]

Behen, as a woman let me give you some advice – don't try to be a 'cool girl' because most Indian men in AM setups aren't that open‑minded. I'm not shaming you, but you asked a loaded question and he dropped all pretense.
Now you see what he's like. You need to demand respect the same way men here demand respect. You can't have these icky conversations in an AM setup and then look for nuance.
He uses slang for women's anatomy – 'hot and banging', 'English wagerah wagerah' – and sounds like he looks down on anyone who's intellectually better (though speaking proper English isn't 'intellectual' anyway). He sounds arrogant and probably hides his disrespect behind a fake ignorance. Talk to better men.