40M & 40F: Infertility & Social Shaming in India

[Anil]

I'm a 40‑year‑old man. I got married in 2015 through an arranged match. Just two months after the wedding, my dad was diagnosed with cancer for the second time. The next year was a nightmare – financially tight, emotionally draining, and his health kept getting worse. He eventually passed away, and my wife took care of me like a daughter would.

The stress made both of us gain weight, and when we tried to start a family things didn't go as planned. We faced six abortions over the years – two tubal surgeries and one right‑tube removal, plus three pregnancies that stopped growing after two months. IVF was denied to us.

What hurt the most was the constant shaming from society. In India, people tend to blame couples who can't have children, treating it like a personal failure rather than a medical issue. Arguments flare up, gossip spreads, and women get shamed more than men. Men stay silent for fear of being called 'namard'.

My wife told me she doesn't care who's at fault or what society says. We'll keep trying, support each other, and let the medical process take its time. After six long years, we finally had our first child in 2021, naturally. The past four years with our kid have been the best of our lives. We've learned that standing together beats any gossip.

If couples understand each other and hold hands through tough times, anything is possible. Don't live to impress a society that only wants to gossip.

[Adarsh]

That's an inspiring story. My wife and I are also planning for a baby and worry about how long it might take and how our current weight could affect the child.

[Nandini]

Consult a gynae specialist.

[Chitra]

I'm dealing with fertility problems myself, but I'm living abroad and will soon start IVF, so I can escape the local gossip. I've had two early miscarriages and a stillbirth at 21 weeks, even though everything seemed normal. Having a child naturally just takes time. I'm turning 34, my husband is 38. We plan to bank embryos and aim for kids until we're about 42, hoping for three or four children.

[Ashok]

I'm going through exactly the same thing – bless you for sharing.