Guys!! Read this

[Lakshmi]

So, I went to my sister's place and my mother and I are staying there for three days.

My sister got married at 35 and her husband is now 43. She had a tough time looking for a match - some she rejected, some rejected her - and I often saw her crying, blaming herself for not getting married.

A few things I have noticed:

1. My brother‑in‑law never steps into the kitchen. I don't expect him to cook, but at least he could wash the veggies or help clean the utensils. He doesn't even put the cup back in the sink after tea.

2. Today they went to buy vegetables. My sister said they go every Sunday. After half an hour she came back and I asked, "So fast?" She replied, "I forgot my phone. He doesn't like crowded places, so he stays a bit away and I call him after shopping." He could have made an exception today and helped carry the bags, right? Buying groceries together is my love language. The day before, the househelp washed the clothes and hung them to dry, but he didn't bother to fold them or put them away.

3. My sister has started watching movies in his mother‑tongue and trying to learn his language. I feel she's adjusting a lot. I asked, "Are you happy with your marriage?" She seemed surprised and said, "Yes, definitely. He's a very good husband." I felt a bit relieved - maybe I'm judging them too harshly or projecting my own idea of how a husband should be.

Anyway, guys, please remember to:

Cook when you can.
Shop for groceries and veggies.
Wash utensils if your partner is cooking.
Be kind with words and actions.
Show love the way she wants to be loved, not the way you think love should be. There is a difference.

[Gauri]

..and she's also a working woman, working from home from 3 pm to 11 pm while also cooking and taking care of the house.

[Ajay]

Downsides of arranged marriage

[Adarsh]

I hope your sister isn't falling into the sunk‑cost fallacy. She used to cry and blame herself for rejections and being single for so long. If she admitted that the marriage isn't good, she might be called stupid for staying with a bad husband, and the label "divorcee" is still a big taboo. We need to know her true feelings by giving her full confidence. Otherwise the situation will keep going as it is.

[Rahul]

Both of their mother tongues are different. Is this an arranged marriage or a love marriage?

To be fair, from an outside perspective it's hard to judge the true quality of a relationship because every couple is unique. I often compare other husbands to my own and find them lacking, but if the wives are happy, the husbands must be doing something right.

Your expectations aren't wrong, but maybe their arrangement works for them. He might be doing things for her that aren't obvious to you.

Keep an eye on your sister. If she seems genuinely stressed, check in on her; otherwise, let them be. No need to fix what isn't broken.

[Gayatri]

Arranged marriage or love marriage?
Is the mother‑in‑law's attitude different?

[Anupama]

My brother‑in‑law is also in his mid‑40s. In the older generation, many men married at 23 and by 45 had two kids who were already in college. He's not a young guy; he should know how things work.

[Shivam]

Oh, they have house help, so your sister could have waited for the helper to pick up the cup?

Does that mean she's being controlling? Maybe I'm reading too much into it.

You might be over‑analyzing as well. When people have many ideals but no relationship experience, they tend to judge superficially and miss the real dynamics.

Next time, don't just ask if your sister is happy. Ask deeper questions:

1. Does she feel safe and secure in the relationship?
2. Does he ask for her opinion on major decisions?
3. Does he create an environment where she can stay happy?
4. Does he support her career and personal growth?

Those answers tell you more than who lifted a cup.