I don't trust my husband enough for kids - is something wrong with me?

[Aishwarya]

I am married to a really nice guy who loves me and wants kids in the next few years. We've been together for four years before tying the knot and have been married for a year. Somehow living together after marriage feels way tougher than our live‑in days. I get anxious whenever his parents visit or we go to theirs. We live far from both our families, his parents come over often but my parents hardly visit. Staying with his mother has made me realise I might not be cut out for this traditional, patriarchal setup. I knew what I was signing up for, yet the expectations are far beyond what I imagined. His mom is very orthodox - she tells me how to dress, forces me to learn her cooking style and judges me if I stay at my parents' house too long. Once my husband said, "if you didn't want to compromise anything, why did you even get married?" and I just broke down. It now feels like a huge mistake and I'm not sure how much longer I can hold it together. Having kids seems impossible in these conditions, and I don't want a child growing up like this. But then again, every marriage needs compromises. Is it my fault for not being able to compromise on even small things? I just don't trust my husband for kids because, despite his love, I doubt he'll ever accept my anti‑patriarchal views.

[Bhavesh]

I feel the same way - the traditional setup seems made for women. I love my husband, but the in‑laws are where the trouble starts. I knew what I was getting into before marriage, yet I wasn't ready for this level of patriarchy and women putting other women down. My mother‑in‑law even gets upset if she sees me happy. Don't have kids until you both are sure you'll share responsibilities 50‑50.

[Vivek]

Don't have kids right now. If you're already anxious, hormones and extra responsibilities will only make it worse. Try to explain your point of view calmly and see if he understands. Maybe consider couple therapy. Is it always like this, or did his parents' involvement make things worse?

[Shailesh]

People talk about 'compromise' in marriage, but you married him, not his mother. Your husband seems more like a nice son to his mom than a supportive husband. It's understandable you don't want kids with someone who can't stand up for you.

[Khushi]

What compromises is your husband making in this marriage? It's bold of him to tell you to adjust when his life hasn't changed at all!

[Sneha]

Dude, you're right. Don't gaslight yourself - trust your gut. I wouldn't want my kids, especially a daughter, to grow up in such an environment.

[Arjun]

Kids are not something you can take back. It's better to regret not having them than to have them and wish you could go back. Take some time, see if you feel ready - no need to rush. It's not now or never. There's nothing wrong with you; second thoughts are completely normal.

[Arpita]

Kids will bring more chaos. Your in‑laws will try to dictate everything, and you won't be able to raise your child the way you want. If your husband can't stand by you now and asks you to compromise, it will only get worse after kids.

[Pallavi]

I think the main problem is that women are conditioned to think we must always adjust. One small adjustment turns into a hundred, and we're expected to compromise just because we're women. Compromise should be a two‑way street. Once you have children, you'll likely be forced to raise them his way, with little say in their lives. Think carefully about the pros and cons and decide what's best for you, because no one else will make that decision for you.

[Mukesh]

He expects you to make compromises... Has he ever compromised anything for this relationship?

[Simran]

You DO NOT have a mother‑in‑law problem. You have a husband without a spine. Please don't have kids because they don't deserve to grow up in such chaos. Your husband may be a good son, but he isn't a good husband. When he chooses to be a son over a husband, he'll do the same when choosing between being a father or a son. He won't be able to protect your children's rights. Trust your gut.