Am I being unreasonable?

[Ranjit]

I'm a 28‑year‑old female and I've been looking for an arranged marriage for about six months now. I get a lot of proposals from men, but none of them meet my criteria. Can you tell me if I'm being unreasonable?

My criteria:
- Salary >12 LPA
- Must not drink or smoke (I don't either)
- Should have no past relationships (I don't either, so I want someone similar)
- Looks aren't a priority; I care more about emotional connection and shared values.

Every guy I've met has at least one past relationship and drinks or smokes (at least one of these). My parents arrange meetings because they think their sons don't have these habits, or maybe they're just unaware.

Am I being too unreasonable? These are deal‑breakers for me, so I'm not sure if I should relax them.

[Niraj]

Don't rush into marriage; the right guy will come along. There are many boys who don't smoke and have no past relationships.

[Avni]

You're not unreasonable. It's tough to find someone who ticks all those boxes, but there will be a match - keep looking. Many people say it takes time to find the right partner, so best of luck!

[Chandni]

Those expectations are perfectly reasonable.

[Jagdish]

Not at all. It's your life and you'll spend it with your partner, so choose someone you find suitable and happy with. Best of luck with your search.

[Raghav]

You're not unreasonable. I had almost the same criteria when my parents were arranging matches for me over ten years ago. Many guys were upfront about being social drinkers, smokers or both, and their parents often had no idea. It's definitely a challenge to find someone with none of these habits today. Still, you just need one person who shares your core values and is willing to walk the marriage path together. Try looking within your own circles and consider lowering some non‑essential points like inheritance or other 'nice‑to‑have' factors.

[Payal]

Am I being unreasonable?

[Seema]

As a male, I think these are not unrealistic expectations at all.

[Imtiaz]

Your expectations aren't too unreasonable. There are plenty of guys who meet them, but filtering them out can be tricky. All the best.

[Ganesh]

I could write this down on a piece of paper, but I truly believe relationship experience matters.

In many cases, a guy who has been in a relationship before understands emotions, communication and boundaries better than someone who has stayed single into his late twenties or early thirties. Someone with prior experience is often more emotionally aware and more understanding of a girl's feelings, making it easier to feel a natural spark or comfort.

And most of the guys you've clicked with probably had some past relationship experience, right?

I'm not saying single guys are immature or bad with women - there are great people on both sides. The problem is when someone is completely naïve with zero experience, or the opposite - too many relationships and no seriousness. The right balance is what matters.

[Aftab]

I think these are basic preferences, so I don't see you being unreasonable.