My 16 yo friend was told to “endure it quietly” on her wedding night... Why is it still called normal?

[Anand]

I randomly remembered something today & it made me feel sick....
it's been 5 years already...

so when I was around 15 one of my friends got married
On paper she was 18.
In reality she was 16.
Her documents were literally fabricated so the marriage could happen.

& the man?
He was 28!!!!!!

That alone is already messed up!!

But what disturbed me even more is what happened before the wedding....

**All the women in her family her sister in law & other older relatives sat her down to "prepare" her for marriage....**

**Basically "eDuCaTiOn" about what happens after marriage....**

Except... it wasn't really education!

They told her:

**the first time will be very painful...**
**You must not cry loudly or react too much**
**don't make a scene**
**Don't try to stop him**
**Just endure it quietly**
**Bc otherwise... her husband might get upset....**

Let that sink in...

**A 16 yo girl being told to silently endure pain just so a 28 yo man doesn't get uncomfortable**

& the thing is...She didn't even question it...
When she told me all this I was confused,scared & disgusted!!!

But she was just like:

>"This is normal. Every woman gets told this. It's our duty"

That word DUTY stuck with me....
Bc it wasn't framed as something mutual....
It wasn't something she could feel safe or ready for...

**It was something SHE HAD TO GO THROUGH no matter what**

& this is exactly the kind of thing people brush off as:

"culture"
"tradition"
"normal"

But what's actually happening here?
a minor being married to an adult...
Her fear being ignored
Pain being normalized
Silence being taught
& obedience being prioritized over her wellbeing...

No one asked her if she was ready....

No one told her she had a choice!

No one cared if she was scared....

**They just trained her to tolerate it!!!**

& this isn't some random rare story....

It's way more common than people want to admit specially in places where religion + culture mix & questioning isn't encouraged....

I keep thinking about how young we were...
At that age we should've been worrying about school, friends normal teenage stuff....
Not being prepared to endure something like that....
People love to romanticize marriage & so called "tradition"
But this is also part of that reality....

& no one talks about it.....

I just needed to get this out....

[Pallavi]

[Bhavin]

Let me guess, is your friend Muslim?

[Chiranjit]

This is utterly disgusting. Also all those women who gave her "education" must have never felt orgasm their entire life. For them it's a duty to provide their husband with his sexual needs and never think of their own pleasure and just "ensure" it.

[Amitabh]

This is so sad to hear. People should be jailed for this.  I hope parents get jailed and get thrased for doing to their daughters along with people who got this ristha. i hope that 28 year old man get thrased too.

[Simran]

I wish India had bodies like CPS/child welfare. Children deserve better than this.

[Jasmin]

this is just utterly disgusting to hear. I wonder arent the 28 yr old being taught basic human decency to not marry a child. Maybe our older generation cant be moulded now but atleast our generation can deny to participate in such filthy acts

[Bharat]

I feel really sad for any woman or girl that goes through it  we are lucky to not have experienced this and hope if we can take a stand when we see someone in these circumstances.

[Manisha]

A friend of mine told me a similar story when I was in college. She came from this culture where girls got married off around 16/17 and yes, the same "education" would be provided to them and in the morning after the wedding night, these elders would go through the bedding for evidence. If there was no evidence, the girl would be in trouble.

[Chitra]

Pardon me , but which state is this story from ? I'm horrified just by reading this. Idk why these fckn old women not learn from their life and try to correct things for the future generation women , WTF.

[Preeti]

It is coercion in the name of "tradition" and "culture" and the way its justified "it's our culture", "feminism is a western concept and against culture" and the like, gets on my nerves