Lessons from AM exp - keepin boundaries & self-love 1st

[Aarohi]

I wanted to share my experience with arranged marriages. I've been in one for about a year now and I'm getting engaged to someone. I thought sharing my journey might help someone. I've met 8 people in the past year and got profiles of many more. I met them through local matrimonial sites, WhatsApp groups, and family and friend connections. I was in 2 relationships before, but they didn't work out. I took 2 years to focus on myself and then started this journey. I made a list of non-negotiables - not looks or location, but values like upbringing, family, health, and finances. I also made expectations clear with my family before starting the search. I needed to meet someone 3-4 times before making a decision. I made sure my family wouldn't meet the person until I was okay with it. They could talk on the phone first, and then we'd meet. I started with casual conversations and asked questions like what brought them to arranged marriage and what they expected from a partnership. I gauged our compatibility and comfort level. I set expectations on my non-negotiables. My parents also got a vibe of the person. I stuck to people within a 4-year age gap. For the first meeting, I asked them to choose a spot and met them for coffee or lunch for 3-4 hours. I didn't play games with texting and was fine messaging them right after. I offered to pay, but they all declined. I asked people to meet again unless it really wouldn't work. I didn't make instant attraction my first sign. I wanted a slow burn of comfort and ease in a partnership. If I felt it wouldn't work out, I told them immediately and ended things. I met a maximum of 2 guys at a time. I took signs like talking about friends, checking safety, and how they treated others as observations. I made the mistake of talking a lot initially, but that helped me cut people off faster. I also made them meet a friend if I met them more than twice. I took weeks of break after meeting a few people. The guy I'm getting engaged to gave me internal turmoil - not a red flag, but I wasn't used to the calm feeling and clear communication. We communicated once a day or every alternate day. I was meeting another person who felt more aligned initially, but they ghosted me. I had made up my mind that if this person didn't work out, I'd take a longer break. I continued to meet him and made him meet my friends. After 4-5 meets, I was seriously considering him. We discussed exclusivity for a month and then made a final decision. Our families met casually once before this. We set their expectations to wait till we gave an answer. We got more involved in daily life matters and finally said yes to our families around the 4-month mark. I still observe how things change, but all seems good. We spaced out engagement and marriage. I kept the expectation that I'd say no or hear a no, still love myself, and move on. I wouldn't get too attached until anything was finalized. I made sure to keep my boundaries and love myself wholeheartedly before committing to someone. Not many have the privilege of having families agree to this, but I thought whoever can should give it a try.

[Rekha]

Finally, a positive story!! Congrats! Hope this works out well for you! Love the self-awareness and self-validation mantra! Cheers!

[Gaurav]

I wish I had some balls like you. Congratulations miss. Happy married life.

[Suraj]

Happy for you! Could you please elaborate on 'had a lot of self work to do'? Might help.

[Shekar]

A bit off topic but why didn't you think of trying dating route rather than AM? Is it because people here are more serious about marriage?

[Hitesh]

Bravoo! Wish more women had your clarity, proactiveness, and sense of reality. Wishing you a great and fulfilling married life ahead!

[Pankaj]

Congratulations mate.

[Shashi]

The kind of clarity you have

[Neha]

Yaar help me