Break Up ASAP!

[Hema]

I'm really sorry to hear this. I was dating my boyfriend for 3 years, and he's 3 years older than me. We were apart for 2 years, and he came back home for his sister's engagement party. He was really touchy, and I didn't mind it at first. But then he told me he wanted to have sex with me. I thought he was joking, but he said he was serious. He said all his friends are in sexual relationships and he feels left out. I didn't think much of it, but his words sounded like he was saying 'have sex with me or I'll find another girl'. I overthink a lot, and my friends also thought he was pressuring me. I shouldn't have listened to him, but I did. On our last day together, I decided to go for it. I was stressed about him cheating on me, and he wasn't talking to me properly. I just wanted the tension to end. I read some Reddit threads about first times, and I thought I'd be okay. I love him so much, and I didn't see myself with anyone else. So, I went to his house, and he was happy when I told him I was ready. The experience was really weird. Before we did it, he watched porn and jerked himself off. I asked him why, and he didn't reply. He just pulled me along and made me watch the video too. We used protection and lube, but it still hurt so much. It felt like he was trying to copy the porn video. He even tried to cover my mouth. He was going way too fast and rough, and I told him to calm down. He just said it was hurting because he's big. Afterward, I bled, and I freaked out. He said it was just my hymen breaking, but I read that it only happens if someone penetrates too roughly. I felt really emotional, so I cried. He scoffed in my face and said I was making a big deal out of nothing. I told him he was being mean, so he became nice. But his version of nice was saying weird stuff like 'let's go another round' and 'I love your body'. I didn't like it. It's been weeks since this happened, and we haven't discussed it. He keeps sending me reels about sex and making out, and I feel disgusted. I feel so disgusted with myself for giving myself up so easily. This was probably the worst first time I could've had. I love him, but now I have no desire to be with him. What should I do? Break up? Talk it out? I don't know. How do I deal with these feelings?

[Uday]

Never agree to have sex if you're not 100% ready, both physically and mentally. And please dump that guy and block him out of your life. I'm sorry this happened to you. You'll be fine. Give yourself time to heal. Never repeat this in your life.

[Hemant]

Break up, period. Try to get into therapy or online therapy. Watch videos related to your issue. You're young; it's okay. Don't hate yourself. I had friends who went through this. Believe me, with time, this incident will only make you stronger. Don't shame yourself; it's not your fault. You're young; move away from the situation. Reflect on yourself and issues like self-confidence. Don't fall into misandry or misogynistic parts of the internet.

[Lokesh]

Oh honey, I'm so sorry this happened to you. I've been where you are, so I know how horrible this feels. I know it's easier said than done because he was your first, but dump him and focus on moving on. He only wants one thing from you, and trust me, it'll get worse.

[Saloni]

I'm so sorry this happened with you, but that guy is not the right one. Right ones never pressurize you for that. The way he handled you during the act shows he only cares for sex. Block him and move on.

[Shreya]

Oh my god, baby, no, please don't think badly about yourself because of this. It's really not your fault. If someone has to pressure you for sex, then clearly they don't respect you enough. I know it's hard, and maybe you really liked him, but honestly, you deserve much better than this. Next time, if something makes you uncomfortable, always talk about it first. Never force yourself just because someone else wants it. And trust me, as someone older, you'll get over this. Right now, it feels horrible, but after some months, you'll realize leaving him was the best thing you did for yourself.

[Sanjay]

Break up with him immediately. You were coerced into sex by someone you thought you could love and trust. Please don't blame yourself. If you're having disgusting feelings about yourself or your body, or regrets about 'I shouldn't have done that,' stop it and focus on healing yourself. In the future, think if you want to be physical or intimate with the guy. If there's even a 1% doubt, don't. A guy who can't take no doesn't respect you at all. It's better to stay single and care for yourself.

[Irfan]

You were coerced into sex. As a rule for your own safety, never have sex to save a relationship; have it only because you're curious or for your own pleasure. The guy has no clue on how to become intimate with a partner. Your safety and comfort weren't important to him; his own ego and bragging rights to friends were. And imitating porn without asking if the partner was comfortable with that is the problem. Lack of consent and then gaslighting you when you confronted him with what he did was even worse. This person will hurt you without even taking accountability of hurting you; he is not good for you. Sex shouldn't have hurt, and you shouldn't have bled on your first time. His sex education is coming from porn, not any trusted sources. He doesn't care about your comfort at all; he is dangerous. Leave him and go no contact; your safety matters more than anything else. Next time, communicate what you both want to do before having sex again with someone. For a guy and you, both your comfort/safety should matter more than anything else during sexual intimacy. And know in your heart, it was NOT your fault; he is the one who should feel ashamed and disgusted. He hurt you; it is HIS fault, and HE IS DISGUSTING. The disgust you feel isn't because of what you did; it's your body's way of telling you that you were mistreated. You didn't 'give yourself up'; you were manipulated by someone you trusted, someone older than you.

[Yash]

Don't worry; I won't call you stupid or anything like that. I can imagine your thoughts and how your mind must be functioning when you thought he might leave you. All these feelings or experiences could have been avoided if he was a little mature and considerate. Even his words, 'It's hurting because I am big,' say a lot about him. We women generally don't have as many sexual desires as men. What matters most to us is 'love and care' EVEN in bed. That's why 'aftercare' is important. The problem wasn't 'giving away easily'; please don't blame yourself. You didn't go for a one-night stand; you did it with a guy you love, dated for 3 years, and see a future with. So please don't blame yourself. It was HIS fault that he couldn't even care about your feelings or what you must be going through. I wish I could hug you right now. And yeah, please break up with him.

[Sanjay]

My dear child, I'm so sorry this happened to you. Please break up with him ASAP. Boys/men are stupid and aren't emotionally matured nor have great intentions. Some are just good at pretending than others. Treat yourself with respect and dignity each time. Love can wait; love yourself and live for yourself now. I hope you feel better soon.

[Lakshmi]

Telling you like an older sister, sorry babe, he's a red flag. He's horned up because of watching a lot of porn. And sorry, but he will definitely flaunt it in front of his so-called friends. Never do it if you're unsure. Now forget the past. Move on. Lesson learnt, with the next guy, be confident of yourself. If someone low-key threatens to cheat, they are shit; dump them. You are important and worthy, and don't deserve such dickheads. For the next 2-3 years, I would say focus on your studies and career. With a better career and college, you have chances of landing with a better person. Cut off the guy and forget the past. And the disgust feeling, take a bath with cold water head to toe, sprinkle salt water, cleanse your aura.