27M fed up with pseudo‑feminism in arranged marriage

[Rajesh]

Got married last year through an arranged setup. My wife and her family show no respect. She pretends to be a pseudo‑feminist, caring only about money and travel. She says, "you do you, I do mine", and leaves all house chores and expenses to me. I'm not good at typing long messages, but I'm thinking of extreme steps – though I don't really want them. Please tell me how you dealt with such a situation.

[Danny]

What people say about a 50‑50 split isn't really a thing in India.

[Kalpana]

Communicate what you expect from this union. If it doesn't work out, go for divorce. You've got a whole life ahead of you. No, don't take any drastic steps right now. Take care, brother.

[Isha]

Should I get a divorce?

[Komal]

If the situation is truly bad, the only proper option is divorce.

[Sneha]

There's no easy fix for a disrespectful marriage. If she's staying only because you're married, try talking to her about your expectations. If she still refuses to put in any effort, consider leaving before your life turns into a living hell and before any kids suffer from a dysfunctional home.

[James]

It won't be easy, that's all I can say. Even if you pursue a divorce, you'll probably have to pay a large sum upfront or provide monthly maintenance. I'm not a legal expert, but since you're currently covering everything – house and other expenses – a court may order you to keep supporting that lifestyle after the split. Talk to a lawyer beforehand and plan wisely. I'm not saying you must divorce, but at least be prepared if it happens. Also, watch your spending on trips; even if costs are split, that money could be used better for now.

[Kartik]

Make sure you have enough money saved for monthly expenses. If you can't, I'm sorry to say she isn't interested in the marriage, just wants to enjoy life like a group of friends. In the end, both of you can go back to your own homes.

[Rakesh]

I don't want any children.

[Rakesh]

If you're thinking about extreme steps, consider filing for divorce. It sounds like you're emotionally done with her. You're only 27, so a divorce is possible. Also, make sure you don't have a child with her.

[Tanuja]

It looks like you married for money and now expect her to change her lifestyle because you can't keep up financially. In an arranged marriage you should have set clear expectations about your financial limits before tying the knot. Since you didn't, and she comes from a wealthier background, she now expects the same standard of living you're not able to maintain.