Fed up with AM process

[Shailesh]

I'm a 32‑year‑old female and my parents keep trying to find a husband for me through matrimonial apps. They send out the interest themselves, and when someone accepts they tell me to talk to them. This has been going on forever and I'm completely drained. I'm now scared of the idea of marriage. I asked them to remove the caste filter or at least share the profiles with me first so I can decide, but they say I'm not capable of picking the right person. Even if I send an interest, they want to talk to the guy before I do. It feels so stupid. They don't get that they can't force their choice on me. I've spoken to at least 20 guys because of their pressure, and none ever felt like a match. Now they blame me for being indecisive and for the rejections.

On top of that I prefer a DINK lifestyle, so they keep saying things like "people will run away if they hear about this, you'll die alone" or "why do you even want to get married if you don't want kids?". I don't even want to argue about it. They even tell me not to disclose my stance to a guy and only bring it up after marriage. This orthodox thinking is breaking me, one day at a time. The worst part is that no one in my family supports me or stands up for me; they think I'm a complete weirdo. They don't realise how normal it is to just talk to a guy directly.

If by chance I find someone compatible and things don't work out, they immediately line up two or three more guys as if it's a quick fix. They don't even let me process a rejection. I feel completely burnt out. I wish therapy could help, but even that isn't doing much.

[Nikhil]

You're 32, act like an adult. Stop blaming your parents and take charge of your own search. Decide on filters and choices yourself and ask them to step back. You have nothing to gain by pulling them into every decision, especially with how orthodox they are.

[Kamal]

Show them they're wrong. Embrace your quirks, maybe move out and keep low contact. The relief you'll feel will be huge, far more than any man can give. When you start enjoying life, the right partner will come along.

[Naman]

Make your own matrimonial profile and set the filters the way you want. It's a slow and sometimes painful process, so consider involving a close friend from the AM community who can give you some advice.

[Pratik]

Did you reject them all or did they reject you? And what's your exact stance on DINK—do you want it or not?

[Prem]

They keep saying things like "people will run away if they hear your stance and you'll die alone" or "why do you even want marriage if you don't want kids?". Those questions are so odd I don't even want to argue. They even tell me not to tell a guy that I don't want kids until after we're married.

I've already been clear about my DINK preference with my parents. They still say I shouldn't bring it up on the first call, yet they keep sending me profiles of women whose life goals are completely different from mine.

[Devansh]

I'm a 32‑year‑old male and I've been dealing with the same thing for the past two years. My parents pick matches from WhatsApp groups, most of which aren't suitable. I meet one or two, and either they ghost, reject me, or I have to turn them down because the conversation shows too many mismatches. Yet they keep pushing.

Last year I met someone, spent a year courting and planning the wedding, and then she went cold and told me a month before the engagement that she wasn't interested. It shattered me, and my parents immediately wanted more matches. I couldn't take it any longer.

This year I finally said I'm already too old for most women; if someone is right for me, it will happen naturally. Random meetings are hurting my mental peace and lead nowhere. After a few gentle nudges and talks, I'm not being forced as much and can focus on what I want without guilt. It takes time, a lot of explaining and arguments, but having that conversation with your parents is the only way out.

[Adarsh]

Being a DINK is the main hurdle; it makes finding a match harder. It's better to mention it on your profile. You may get fewer proposals, but you'll save a huge amount of emotional energy.

[Jyoti.kumar]

I'm a 31‑year‑old female and I totally get you. I've spoken to at least 36 men and it's been terrible—exhausting. I'm at a point where I don't even care about marriage. I know I gave it my best. Don't give up. If you don't want kids now, maybe consider freezing your eggs so you don't lose the option later. Even if you end up marrying someone your parents chose, you can tell your partner you've frozen your eggs and buy yourself many more years. Adoption isn't that simple, so think about egg freezing.

If you don't want to bring a child into this world, you have the right to say no.

[Akash]

Unrelated tip: consider deleting social media. You'll see marriage announcements every day, which can add pressure. When I was single I didn't feel jealous, just random pressure. Therapy isn't helping much, so try taking daily walks.

[Shruti]

Create your own profile and contact guys yourself. As for your parents' choices, you can be firm and push back. After a few rejections, they'll stop forcing you.