Everyone asks you to marry, but no one tells you how

[Devansh]

I'm a 31‑year‑old woman and I've been in the arranged‑marriage hunt for a while now. Everyone just asks, "When are you getting married?" or "You should get married already." All we hear about is the wedding lehenga, the engagement, the food, the venue, the in‑laws, etc.

Why does nobody talk about the patience it takes, or the self‑reflection needed to be in the right mindset to pick a partner? Nobody mentions that you need time to actually talk, get to know the person and also understand yourself. First thing is you must know what you truly want, not what others think you should want.

And why are people still playing hard‑to‑get? We're not teenagers or college kids anymore; we're adults with lives every day. No one has time for games. Just tell us if you like us or not, if you're interested or not, if you're clear or not. Playing hard‑to‑get feels childish. You should realize that communication and effort should be the foundation of the arranged‑marriage process.

If you don't like someone, just say so. No need to keep them hanging. And don't chase anyone who's putting in the bare minimum. Both of you need to make time for each other despite busy schedules. Nobody is so busy that they can't drop a text or a call for a week or two.

You really need to have your act together before making any decision. No one taught me this, but life and experience did. Take whatever feels right from this.

[Jasmin]

I'm also 31, and when I first stepped into the arranged‑marriage market I was a pure soul, trusting people on these sites wholeheartedly. But now the platform has completely ruined my view of marriage.

[Tejas]

I know ghosting happens a lot in this process.

My theory is that people ghost because, deep down, they realise their reason for rejecting someone is pretty weak. If you're turning someone down, have the courage to do it properly and stand by your decision.

Otherwise, they're just rubbish. OP, you don't need such people or families in your life anyway.

[Sharmila]

Exactly. If more people had this mindset, things would be so much easier.

[Deepika]

I've been in the arranged‑marriage circus for almost two years, so I totally get you. It becomes annoying and overwhelming after a while. Nobody really wants to talk, and when someone does, you just don't click. Then there's ghosting, benching, all that. At this point I'd just leave it to destiny.

[Krishna]

>Why does nobody talk about how much patience and self‑reflection it takes to be in the right mindset to choose a partner?

Spot on, friend. I'm convinced most people decide either under pressure or without thinking about any of this.

[Mohaideen]

If you're wondering why people act like this, it's because it takes a self‑aware and mature person not to repeat the same patterns on others. For most, it's just a checklist handed down by their parents, and they mindlessly follow what was done to them.

The world we live in is scary, no matter how positively we try to see it. So look out for yourself. No matter how much you trust someone pushing you to get married, think about where you stand and be firm about what you want, with solid reasons.
In the end, it's your life. People only stay around until you actually need them, with very few exceptions.

[Dayanand]

What's left for me to marry at this age? What will the guy get? What will he get?

[Ansh]

Oh god, I'm scared I'll be posting the same thing again in a few years. Whenever someone says, "You should get married," I just reply, "Set me up with someone good." Sadly, they don't seem to know anyone good.