31F: Anxious talking to guys on matrimonial

[Nandini]

I'm a 31‑year‑old female ESL tutor, never had a boyfriend because my Indian parents expect a 'sanskari' good‑girl. I'm naturally extroverted and can chat with anyone, but the moment I have to talk to a potential partner I go blank. I get really anxious, my blood pressure drops, I lose my appetite, the whole lot. I joined the app last month and got flooded with interests. Saying no without an excuse feels brand new to me. So far I've had one‑on‑one chats with only three guys, yet every new request still makes me nervous. Any tips on handling this would be great.

[Adarsh]

Start slow—maybe just chat on WhatsApp first. Once you feel a bit comfortable, you can move to voice calls.

[Naresh]

Keep at it. Chat on the app for a few days, then decide the next step.

[Govind]

Ever been to a cloth store and felt guilty for not buying anything just because the seller gave you time and effort? Same thing applies here. If a guy doesn't find you suitable, he'll just move on. Don't feel guilty for saying NO or assuming the first guy you chat with is the one you must choose. Use your extrovert side to talk normally and keep a list of questions you want to ask potential matches. That'll help a lot.

[Sonal]

What does ESL stand for?

[Dhruv]

There's a difference between casual chatting and talking to someone you might spend the next 30‑40 years with, which is why the anxiety spikes. You don't have to talk to everyone. Filter the matches, start slow, avoid juggling too many conversations at once, and take time to understand each prospect. If you feel overwhelmed, take a break—don't rush. Best wishes

[Sarika]

It's a skill issue—just practice and get better.

[Sameer]

Treat them like any other person you chat with. Don't label them as a 'potential match' right away. If they manage to spark genuine interest, then you can consider them as a match.

[Sneha]

You'll get a lot of random interests from people who may not even read your bio. Let them start the conversation first. You're good with people and communication, so judge them by their personality and chat style. This helps you filter out creeps who jump to intimacy early. When I talk to girls, I ask about their daily routine, hobbies, etc., and let them get to know me first.