Confused about relationship guilt & intimacy (26F)

[Suraj]

Sorry for the formatting, I'm on my phone.

My boyfriend (26M) and I (26F) have been together for a year now.

We started as friends with benefits, then became serious.

He's a great boyfriend in every way, but lately some of his behaviour is bothering me and I don't know how to process it.

I'm a virgin, he isn't. For a while I wasn't ready for sex, but now I am. We tried in November last year, but it hurt and I even bled a little. He lost his erection and we didn't finish.

Since then things have been weird. His libido has dropped a lot and I feel like I'm the only one wanting any physical intimacy. When he does get horny, he only wants a blowjob.

All the usual make‑out sessions, taking off clothes, nothing happens now. He knows I'm ready for sex, but it seems he doesn't want to do it anymore. Earlier he used to want to make out a lot, touch me, but now I feel he only touches me so I won't complain or feel bad.

I feel really guilty. He waited when I wasn't ready and never made me feel guilty about it. But now I'm struggling to do the same. I feel ugly inside, like I'm desperate for intimacy.

Any advice would help, thanks for reading.

[Rajat]

Tell him you're ready. He waited for a long time to make you comfortable, so now it's your turn to give him a hint.

[Arjit]

Talking can help. By talking I mean having an open conversation and getting him to open up. There's a chance he's hiding something or holding back because of the bleeding incident you mentioned—you never know. Open talks help a lot, and another thing you both could try is spending some time in nature without phones. Screens give us a lot of dopamine and sometimes we don't even need another person's company, which can lower libido, especially if porn is involved.

[Ramesh]

He might be dealing with erectile dysfunction. It's hard for a man to admit that. Also, why do you feel ugly? Didn't he make out with you before? If you felt ugly now, didn't you feel the same then? It's not about you, it's about him. Blowjobs are simple – just a quick release. He may have lost confidence after losing his erection when you bled. Does he work out?

[Basavaraj]

Mtlb, just ask him directly—what's the worst that can happen? He thinks you're always horny, but if you only want it occasionally, he'll give you an excuse for ignoring sex. Sort it out together; communication is the key.

[Nitin]

You're not being desperate for a mutual physical connection in a romantic relationship. Drop the guilt. Him waiting when you weren't ready doesn't mean you have to accept a one‑sided, unfulfilling sex life now.

[Himani]

If I imagined that scenario, I'd also get tense seeing blood and might lose my erection (M, 25).

[Pranav]

I (M) have been in a similar situation. At first, after a few attempts, my girlfriend couldn't handle it because of pain, so I got fed up and stopped. Things went back to normal when she eventually took the initiative and was okay with it, and finally things settled. So I understand where the guy is coming from. Sometimes it feels easier not to deal with it.

[Ansh]

How can a virgin be a friend with benefits?

[Vinod]

Why don't you both plan a weekend getaway, relax and do something you both enjoy? Then, when the moment feels right, tell him something like: "I've noticed things have felt a bit off physically lately and I miss how close we used to be. I'm not making a big deal out of it, just wanted to check in." He might be embarrassed about the November incident or feel pressured. If he becomes quiet or withdrawn, it doesn't mean your question was wrong. Just pay attention to his behaviour and show that you're willing to understand his feelings. Good luck.

[Anita]

Have a mature conversation with him and ask if everything's okay—stress or anything else in life. Such things can bring libido down.