Fiance says she's unhappy with my looks

[Imtiaz]

I'm a 35‑year‑old guy from a middle‑class family. I work from home and earn an average salary. I consider myself average‑looking, have a dusky complexion and am on the skinny side, though I've recently joined a gym.

In March, my marriage was arranged with a 30‑year‑old woman. She's fair‑skinned, not working, and has said she doesn't want to work after marriage. I was fine with that.

After the arrangement, we started chatting on Facebook Messenger. At first she replied slowly and we usually chatted for only 1‑2 hrs a day. After the engagement, we exchanged mobile numbers and began daily WhatsApp chats and voice calls.

Initially everything seemed fine. She never raised any issue about my income.

But over time she began commenting on my appearance. Once she said my teeth look weird because they stick out, even though they're only slightly protruding. After that I got upset and she stopped bringing it up.

We met for the first time after the engagement in the second half of May and it went really well. We were both happy and planned to meet again soon. We set 20 June to watch a movie, but she cancelled with three different excuses. We finally met on 25 June; she seemed distant, uninterested and emotionally disconnected. I asked several times what was wrong, but she said nothing. It felt like I was spending time with a stranger rather than my future wife. We watched the movie, I dropped her home, and then we didn't talk for three days.

Yesterday I messaged her repeatedly on WhatsApp and finally asked why she seemed upset on 25 June. She admitted it was because of my appearance. This isn't the first time she's made me feel insecure about how I look; she also told me not to get too excited about our wedding night and suggested I do skincare and lip care. I told her I can improve grooming and fitness, but I can't completely change my face.

Our wedding is planned for November and I'm feeling hurt, confused and very frustrated. I don't know what to do now and I'm worried about my married life.

[Vaishali]

Bro, you're in a tough spot. In arranged marriages, chemistry does develop slowly, but there's usually some physical attraction right from the start. If you don't like your partner's looks, your effort and intent can drop a lot. If I were you, I'd have a serious talk to see if she even wants to continue with this alliance. Give her a safe space and don't be confrontational, so she can speak her mind freely.

[Irfan]

Are you even listening to yourself? Don't marry her - the sex life for both of you will be terrible. How can you marry someone you can't even have a normal conversation with? Physical attraction is as important as emotional connection. Most probably she's being forced and can't say no to her family. She's already given enough hints.

[Kavitha]

You deserve better, buddy.

[Pratik]

Have some self‑respect; this isn't going to work.

[Shivendra]

Run, dude. End it while you still can. If you still decide to marry, you'll have to face the consequences.

[Vijay]

Sadly, if you don't find your potential match physically attractive, it's usually not advisable to move forward. In most arranged marriages, the decision order tends to be: physical attraction → age, salary and location → family, career outlook and lifestyle compatibility.

[Preeti]

That's really disrespectful.

[Ganesh]

So she doesn't work but wants a handsome lad. Cool.

[Ujjwal]

Tu bhag, Milkha...

[Ayaan]

What? She sounds emotionally abusive and immature. Get out, OP. Save yourself.