Realised my 28‑yr‑old bf used me for 8 yrs, never planned to marry - need to accept

[Douglas]

For the past 4 years I kept asking him to tell his family about us. He always gave excuses. First he said my caste would make it hard for them to agree, but promised he'd bring it up at the right time and try his best for marriage.

He told me he didn't have a job, then said he got a job. He told me I didn't have a job, then said I got a job. Now his father is dealing with depression and other family problems.

It's been 4 years since I've been pushing him to involve his family, while my whole family - even my extended relatives - already know about our relationship.

Recently he said we can't marry because of many reasons he listed. Earlier he assured me he would discuss us with them, but now he refuses. He straight away told me we can't marry and he won't tell his family about us.

I'm shattered. I've realised marriage was never his intention. He never introduced me to his family even once in 8 years. I should have seen the red flags, but I believed in him. I thought he would actually talk to them, but I was wrong.

I feel used - like he was only after sex, emotional support, and money. He gave me nothing in return.

He never planned to marry me. I don't know how to accept this fact. It's killing me. He lied for years just to keep me with him. I broke up with him many times because he wouldn't tell his family, but he kept convincing me he would - every single time.

I feel so stupid.

[Rohit]

File a case, inform his arranged‑marriage partner, and so on.

[Chitra]

In 8 years you still couldn't tell if he was genuine or just using you! If anyone else has been through this, please share how people end up in such situations.

[Darshan]

I think you've already confronted him, had fights, emotional break‑ups, etc. Now try confronting one of his close friends - someone who knows his true colours - to learn what's really going on. I feel your boyfriend is more coward than cheat. In my opinion, he never built the guts to face challenges, and if he couldn't do it when he was younger, he definitely isn't fighting for you now that he's older.

Whether it was his intention all along or just cowardice, I know this is the hardest thing to accept. I'm not sure it will help even if you force him to marry you. Life is tough, right? At least you still have your family by your side, and that counts for a lot.

[Manisha]

Do you really want to fight for a guy who can't even introduce you to his family because they might not agree? You need to love yourself more and let go of this baggage. It won't be easy to move on after an 8‑year relationship, but trust me you will. Choose yourself and cut off people who don't truly care for you.

[Monica]

I don't get why people suggest filing a case for not marrying. She clearly said his family is against it and he'll try to talk to them but never go against them. You didn't take it seriously and stayed with him even after knowing this.

I'm not sure if 'used' is the right word, since you knew? Yes, he loved and cared for you, but he also said he wasn't sure about marriage - 50/50 whatever you call it. How do you stay with a man for 8 years who isn't sure about marrying you but loves you? That's on you, not him!

Edit: Sorry if this sounds rude, but it's high time women understand how important their lives are. Trusting men just because they care or love you isn't enough. Every day there's a new dowry or divorce case - that's a sign to realise if a man isn't sure about you, LEAVE.

[Himani]

I don't care if I'm out of the crowd.

For those saying 'file a case' - respect, what? Filing a case will only make him hate you more and ruin his life. What's the outcome? Money? Will they stay together? Does any of this help?

Sorry, OP, but you were blind and a bit dumb.

Shit happens. You wasted your time, okay? It's time to realise that and move on... You can't force people into something they don't want.

[Ananya]

Just consider it a failed relationship and move on. You've already spent 8 years, so there's no point in wasting more time.

[Rekha]

Two years is the maximum you should wait to decide on marriage; waiting any longer makes no sense.

[Omkar]

He's not worth it, sis. This is a sad situation. It happened to my friend too, though it was 3 years, not 8. Such spineless cowards - even if you miraculously get married, he'll never support you or stand by you. It's not a fight you should take. Heal soon ❤️

[Mahima]

My love, you are FREE now, like a bird. You may not see it yet, but once you stop replaying 'why did he betray me' thoughts and realise you're free to do whatever you want, you'll feel liberated and happy. It will take time and self‑convincing, but you'll become your happiest self. You can hate him all you want, but focus on being happy. Never trust a man's marriage promises until his actions back them up. From now on, listen to men's sweet words but wait for actions, even the small ones. It's simple, but our emotions block us. Build resilience and you'll be good to go, sis.