Need Direction - 19M Lost & Broke

[Anjali]

I don't know how to deal with life anymore. I feel lost, directionless, and exhausted to the point where ending everything sometimes feels easier than continuing. My name is Atharva Sharma, and I was born on 26 May 2007. As a child, I was confident, social, academically strong, and full of life. I had friends, dreams, and energy. But growing up in a toxic Indian household slowly changed me. Almost every day, I witnessed my father verbally and physically abusing my mother while she silently cried through the night. Over time, that environment filled me with fear, hopelessness, and negativity. Until 8th grade, I consistently scored above 90%. But when COVID hit during 9th standard, everything started collapsing mentally and emotionally. The atmosphere at home became unbearable, and instead of focusing on studies or enjoying teenage life, I constantly felt trapped and depressed. From the age of 14 onward, I practically stopped socializing. I isolated myself completely. Meanwhile, people around me started preparing for IIT-JEE and NEET with expensive coaching and support systems. I already knew my family could barely survive financially. My father earns around ₹5,000 a month working in a small private company, so preparing for highly competitive exams with coaching felt impossible. At that point, I decided I needed to find another way out of poverty. After scoring 89% in 10th, I chose Commerce with Maths in 11th and slowly detached myself from academics. I became obsessed with the idea of earning money quickly online. I started working on microtask websites like SproutGigs, where workers spend minutes clicking ads or visiting websites for extremely small payments. I spent 9-10 hours every day doing repetitive tasks just to earn ₹150-₹180 daily. Looking back, it hurts to realize how much time and potential I wasted during important years of my life. Still, after 6-7 months, I managed to save around ₹5,000. Then I tried becoming an 'employer' instead of a worker. I bought a domain, created a Blogger website, connected it with AdSense, and started redirecting cheap traffic to generate revenue. Initially, it worked surprisingly well. I started earning ₹1,000-₹1,500. Eventually, I made around ₹14,000-₹15,000. But in 2023, Google strengthened its systems against fake traffic and my AdSense account got permanently terminated. Overnight, everything collapsed. The money, effort, and hope disappeared instantly. I reinvested some of the remaining money into another domain and hosting, but soon realized the entire model was unsustainable because many others were also getting banned. My investment failed again, and I gave up. By then, my 12th board exams had already begun. Mentally drained and depressed from everything that had happened, I somehow studied from home and scored 79%. Then came college. Because of financial limitations and lack of opportunities in my tier-3 city, I enrolled in a low-fee government college for a plain [B.Com](http://b.com) degree. But instead of feeling hopeful, I felt ashamed. Many of my former classmates moved to better cities, joined prestigious institutions, or enrolled in expensive coaching programs. Meanwhile, I felt stuck in a course that offered me no direction, no confidence, and no clear future. Now, in three days, I will turn 19. And I feel completely broken. I have no close friends. I have barely communicated properly with people since I was 14. I feel embarrassed by my own existence. I have no guidance, no network, no valuable skills, and no idea what path to follow. The abuse at home still continues. Sometimes I feel my father himself is deeply depressed because he sees his brothers becoming financially successful while he remains trapped in poverty and frustration. Instead of coping in healthy ways, he releases his anger onto my mother. Watching her suffer destroys me emotionally because I feel powerless to help her. My brother, despite having similar qualifications, works exhausting 10-12 hour shifts in a small private company for barely ₹5,000-₹6,000 a month. And when I look at my own future, all I can currently see is the same cycle repeating itself. People suggest government exams, but everywhere online I see stories of aspirants spending years preparing only to end up with nothing. At the same time, I don't even know which skills to learn or where to start. I cannot afford institutes, courses, or expensive resources. All I have is a second-hand phone, time, and desperation to change my life. The pressure inside me keeps increasing every day. Sometimes I genuinely feel that a dead son is better than a failed son. But despite everything, a part of me still wants to fight. I still have discipline. I don't smoke. I don't waste time partying or scrolling endlessly on social media. I am willing to work harder than ever before. I just don't know where to direct that effort. I need guidance. Please tell me honestly: Should I spend the next few years preparing for government exams despite the uncertainty? Or is there another path out of this situation? I am ready to dedicate every waking hour of the next seven months toward rebuilding my life if someone can help me find a realistic direction. Right now, I feel lost, emotionally exhausted, and terrified of becoming trapped forever in poverty and regret. I don't want to give up on life. I just don't know how to move forward anymore.

[Navya]

Dude, first get help for the suicidal thoughts, that comes before careers; you aren't useless. The job scene is a real mess now.

[Vidya]

Hey, stop with the negative thoughts first. Next stop comparing, its never the end of the world. Start with things that are possible. Start with some gig work like Rapido driver etc. Once you start earning a bit of money you will feel better. Preparing for government exams is not easy, things take time. Keep all options open. Take one day at a time. Take care.

[Benny]

At least you tried, just forget to take care of your family for now - you owe nothing to anyone, you're still a kid. Sometimes I see stories like yours and feel ashamed that even after having resources I am nothing. Feel proud of yourself, mate. Now, well yes Govt exams do have uncertainty but currently everything has uncertainty and for govt exams like banking or CGL you may prepare them by self-study and low investment required - just that you have to push your limits and for 2 yrs study like mad. I say join a study hall/library and then study. And also preparing for this you can also go for CAT, yeah extra efforts will be needed and cash is also required but the main fees can be covered by educational loan and many scholarships are there. And if you still feel you are not confident enough for the govt exams then join either CA or CMA/CS as registration fees is only hurdle and you can clear by resources available online. I myself cleared foundation by self-study, just make sure you never ever end up in attempt loop, pull your best in the very 1st attempt.

[Niraj]

Really companies pay ₹5,000 a month!!! Your English seems pretty good though its hard to believe you are being raised in ₹5,000 a month home, maybe it could be more and they are hiding from you. If this is true then just move out of home and acquire some skill like plumbing, electrical repairs or anything else it pays a liveable amount in tier 1 (if you don't find opportunities in a CA / CMA firm). After your mental health gets better start preparing for CA / CMA. I heard CS and CMA are easier than CA hence take a shot.

[Arisha]

Hi, to be an analyst took me almost 4 to 5 yrs as per my experience and learning curve. Yes, it was with many ups and downs. I started working with hotels as a supplier or waiter in 2018. Then did random odd jobs in hospitality like part-time after class in Bengaluru. Chef jobs. Interned at ITC hotels 2019 and 2020 ₹3k/month. Then learnt English and became more confident wrt English. 2021 Got an internship in Dubai but Covid hit. 2021 So had to do a remote internship in India ₹0/month. 2021 got a full-time role as a sales guy (business ops on record but B2C sales). Learnt sales and did fail initially and succeed then on. 2022 got a team so became team lead sales. Again failed but learnt many things but this time company wasn't ready to accept my mistake so they it was either exit or move to other team. 2023 moved to strategy and new initiatives. Learnt like hell and got rocket speed experience with decision making, people management, sales forecasting. 2024 left job with decent savings to manage 12months without any new job. Side by side I was prepping my CAT after leaving job. 2025 tried building a agency for marketplace handling co-founder betrayed me (lucky that I didn't invest anything but time more valuable was lost, again lesson learnt). 2025 May cracked a analyst role. After leaving my job 1. I solved many business case 2. Mock projects on GitHub watching YouTube mentors like Codebasics 3. Quants question (I like them but not mandate) 4. Mock interview drill with ChatGPT 5. Asked GPT to prepare my entire resume, CV, LinkedIn and cold DM templates and asked for referral on LinkedIn 6. 300+ DMs --> 7 -9 interviews --> 4 offers chose the best one as An analyst. Just like a gym to my brain I just being more proactive and I am here. Simple. Yes it tiring and fun. Ask question if have any questions.

[Prakash]

Bro you should be proud of yourself that you tried, getting success doesn't matter but you tried, you will get success laterz just don't give up bro.

[Falguni]

My situation is same as yours brother apt to every point but I am doing as a delivery boy to meet the ends and yeah trying for jobs still no luck. Wishing you the best.

[Amar]

Sab chodo. Redditors will say you to upskill, do that this etc. but the most logical way for you to get out of your shit hole is by giving government exams. Well am not talking about prestigious UPSC exams or CGL exams. There would be constable exams, peone exams, LD clerk exams of state government. Now answer these following q. 1. Which state are you from? 2. How good are you in maths? 3. How confident are you in studying for exams? 4. Are you ok in joining as Agniveer/ constable?

[Madhav]

Go to your right

[Murali]

Hey man, it takes courage to share yourself, so thanks for seeking help. Now at 19, it's early days to give up on anything just yet, let alone life. Most of us had no clue at that age, so you're not alone. I see you need funds now and also doing your bachelors at the same time. I might have a job for you - sales in medical industry. It pays Rs15-20k per month plus commissions. We are in a niche market, so people are willing to listen. But you have to be able to meet people at their clinics once appointment is booked and communicate in English too. Happy to do an interview and see how we can help you and what you can do for us. If you're open to it, send me a DM. I have hired from reddit before where someone was in your shoes and it's working out so far.