Marriage Blues Short

[Dhruv]

I've been part of this sub for over a year, seen thousands of posts, and given hundreds of suggestions. But when it was my turn, I messed up big time. Here's my story. I recently joined a new job in a new domain and city - Bangalore. It was overwhelming. I was in a dilemma and stressed about my career. I was probably at my lowest point mentally. I was trying to adjust to the new role, understand the work, and get stable. Around the same time, my parents started looking for matches for me. I thought it would take a few months, and I'd be settled in my job and in a better mental state to make a decision. But things didn't happen that way. One match came up, and initially, I told my parents to keep looking. But they felt we should at least meet her since she had a decent profile and a job. So, we went to her home. My first impression was okay. She seemed decent. I was looking at looks and basic compatibility. Since she had a decent job too - we both make 20 LPA - I thought maybe we could take some time, talk properly, and then decide. But the next day, my father started following up aggressively and asked me to confirm almost immediately. I dragged it for three days, but on the fourth day, he came to my room and sat there. It felt like he wasn't going to leave until I made a decision. Typical Gujarati father. Because of my job pressure, mental stress, and confusion, I just said, 'Do as you like.' It wasn't a wholehearted yes or a clear decision. I gave up. After that, everything got fixed within two weeks. The worst part is, there wasn't much conversation between us before things got finalized. We only chatted, not even a single phone call. How stupid was I? Over time, I developed some connection with her - not deep, but a medium level of comfort. Still, some part of my mind isn't fully ready for this. But I don't think I can do anything now. I like her family a lot; they're genuinely good people, very affectionate and respectful. She is also a good person. If there's one person who messed up, it's me. When I needed to be firm, I couldn't be. When I needed to take a proper decision, I failed. I kept making one mistake after another. I knew I wasn't ready, but I went ahead with it. What a stupid thing to do. We're getting married in a month. I have no plans to cancel it. I like her family, and she is a good person. So now, it feels like it's in God's hands. I don't know what the future holds. I've decided to live one day at a time and try to do justice to the decision I've taken. I'm not writing this to take advice; I'm writing to give advice. Please don't take important life decisions when you're overwhelmed, confused, mentally exhausted, or under pressure - especially marriage decisions. Think thoroughly, take your time, and don't blindly listen to others. At the end of the day, you're the one who has to live with that decision. Proceed only when you feel it's right from inside. Don't compromise on clarity for something as serious as marriage. If you're confused, do a brain dump, write down everything you're feeling, meditate if that helps, and take some alone time. Think about attraction, compatibility, communication, family expectations, your mental state, and whether you're ready. Put real effort into the decision. Don't just go with the flow because others are pushing you. Don't mess it up like I did. And as a cherry on top, I later saw someone from their side - a relative of theirs - and I felt attracted to her. Sometimes my mind goes into stupid thoughts like, 'What if she was the person I was going to marry?' I know how immature and unfair that sounds. I feel disappointed in myself. This experience has shown me how indecisive, underconfident, and emotionally unprepared I was. So, if anyone is reading this and is in the arranged marriage process, please don't repeat my mistake. Take your time, have proper conversations, and don't say yes just because your parents are pressuring you. Say yes only when you're ready.

[Ujjwal]

How old are you?

[Jai]

Great advice. Coming to your situation, you still have a month. Cancel it if you don't like her. Why ruin 2 lives?

[Aarav]

Brother, I don't care how good someone's family is. If you're not comfortable and compatible, then say NO. We need to grow a spine and express our opinions. You're not only ruining your life but hers too. I get it; you don't care about your life, but at least respect and care for hers.

[Vikram]

In my case, it was an arranged setup too. We had only met once before everything got fixed. We stayed engaged for over 4 months, and then he called it off without giving any valid reason. Reading your story, maybe something similar is happening in your mind too. If there's still a month left, I would advise you to reconsider and break the engagement now rather than ruin both your lives later. You probably shouldn't have said yes in the first place, but since you did, and you're already thinking 'what if I had married her cousin,' it's unfair to continue when your heart isn't fully in it. Right now, she must be imagining a future with you, feeling excited about getting married, becoming a bride, and planning her life ahead. But if you're not emotionally invested, neither of you will be truly happy in the long run. Yes, this will hurt her deeply right now, and convincing families may be difficult too. But a broken engagement is still far less painful than a miserable marriage or a lifetime of feeling unwanted.

[Vikram]

Brother, I was in the same zone and pressure, and somehow just 20 days before marriage, I took the decision not to go ahead. It was one of the best decisions I ever made in my life. You still have time not to ruin your life and hers; otherwise, it would be nothing but a life of compromises.

[Suraj]

Good luck for your future. Sometimes things on paper aren't as prosperous in real life. Attraction plays a big role. If you're not comfortable sharing this with her, how will you be comfortable after marriage? Talk to someone married. I'm proud you're thinking this through. Ask for answers within yourself.

[Kartik]

Speak and spend more time with the girl, and check if you're okay spending a lifetime with her. Marriage isn't about finding the right person; it's about working on it. If both of you are ready and aligned, you'll have a blast. Think about it, write your thoughts, and then trust it.

[Mohit]

Blud is signing up to ruin 2 lives despite having full control to avoid it. A humble request to future parents - STOP dictating your kids' lives; you DO NOT own them! Inculcate good manners until they're 15-16 years old and create a good family atmosphere. Then treat them as friends for the rest of your lives. Things like marriages are big decisions; they alone have the authority to take them.

[Ronit]

Attraction is the first thing a couple should have... and you're lacking on this!!!!!!!

[Ansh]

Cancel it now. It isn't late.