Do women really have unrealistic standards?

[Sangeeta]

We often hear men complain that women have unrealistic standards and demands, and that's why there's a male‑loneliness problem. Let me share my parents' bride‑hunting experience.

# The groom (my brother)

We're a lower‑middle‑class family in a tier‑2 city. Both my parents have small jobs and we own a modest house. My brother, 32 M, still lives with them, while I rent a separate flat.

He works a private job earning about 32k a month, but he can't hold on to any job for long. He has zero EQ or maturity – everyone kept saying "men mature later". He has a short temper and gets verbally abusive over the smallest thing.

He never picks up plates after meals, never even takes his own food from the utensils. Mom doesn't let him into the kitchen because he makes a huge mess just to grab some sabji from the kadai, and then we have to clean the whole kitchen. He doesn't do any personal chores like laundry or ironing.

Most men in my community are like this.

# Shortage of brides

We all know about the selective abortion that happened in our time. The bias towards boys has created many boys but very few girls. So the boys are looking for brides who simply don't exist.

Many girls have moved to metros, found boyfriends, or even left the country. Some of my cousins married Europeans. That's why there are a lot of single men in our community who can't find brides because there aren't enough single women.

# After‑math of such a marriage

If a woman marries my brother, she will have to work, pay the bills, do all the housework without a maid, and cook. She'll also have to take care of my ageing parents – that's a full‑time job – along with her own work, and eventually bear children.

My brother's life won't change; he'll stay the same. But the lady's life will become a nightmare.

That's why women should avoid marrying lower‑middle‑class men – they're not expected to do housework, elder care, or child care, and there's no help available.

So as a woman from the same family, I totally get why women prefer metro‑city boyfriends, want separate homes, or look for well‑earning men. It's not a high demand; it's self‑preservation. Men are only expected to earn money, while women are expected to do everything else. A well‑earning man can hire help; a man like my brother can't.

Just because a woman comes from a similar or poorer background doesn't mean she has to sign up for that life. She can choose to stay single, like me.

What do you girls think about it?

[Tejas]

You're spot on. Some men act like that and tell us, "lower your standards, stay in your place." It won't change until society changes, and you're right about that. The men in your neighbourhood differ from those in bigger cities because they have less exposure. As long as people stay in a regressive community, nothing will shift. Don't let anyone shame you for your choices, ladies.

[Seema]

Strongly agree. A man‑child shouldn't get married.

[Atharv]

In simple terms, it's a matter of demand and supply. If there are few marriage‑able women in your community, why should they settle for a useless bum when they could find a better match? And if they can't find a better match, they can live peacefully alone instead of becoming a maid in someone else's house.

[Ajay]

I've never heard such a clear‑cut logical argument expressed so simply!!

[Pratik]

No, your brother should be naturally selected out of the gene pool. That's why I'll never consider a 'raja beta'.

[Aryan]

And most of the men who say that are just like your brother – they think they're a gift to women. Wake up to the times we live in. Women earn as much or more than men, and they can cook, clean, and raise children. So the real question is what they're bringing to the table that makes them think women should marry them and do their or their parents' service?

[Tarun]

More power to you... it's good you're seeing this bias. At least the next generation won't be like this, because some mothers coddle their sons so much they think they're the king of the house. Hope you can get out of that situation and move to a metro city for work. DM me if you need job guidance (F30)

[Shilpa]

You know where the problem lies? Men and the patriarchy assumed women had no choice but to do all this. When women started deciding for themselves and saying 'we can't do this' or 'we deserve better', they pushed back, hoping women would just obey. Most women would rather stay single, which they see as even worse. That's why these men and the patriarchal generation get so rattled.

[Usha]

I'm also from a tier‑2 city and this is spot on. People either leave or become like this. Now nobody is finding a bride, yet the sense of entitlement remains high. More than the men, it's the parents who are delusional, thinking women are still stuck in the 1900s and will settle for the nonsense our mothers accepted.

[Shivam]

100% This post hits the nail on the head for those men who complain that women want partners who earn more. Those men ignore reality. I've seen 'progressive' families where women are well‑educated, have good jobs, yet still handle most of the housework and childcare. If women are expected to earn and care for the family while men are only expected to earn, then why shouldn't women look for someone who is well‑settled?