Friend warns: keep self-deprecating humor safe - lesson in self-respect?

[Abhishek]

My friend and I were just having a light‑hearted banter. He teased me about my height (all in fun). I joked, "What if I don't land a job after MBA?" and he replied, "No worries, you can work for me. You can clean my fan, you keep telling me to clean." (Since he's tall I often joke, "What will you do with that height? Clean fans." It's all mutual jokes, I swear.)

We went back and forth and laughed. After we finished, he said, "See, I understand you're okay with being made fun of and I won't stop, but just make sure you don't always stay the butt of the joke. You can do that here, but not everywhere."

It might not sound huge to you, but it hit me hard. My parents never cared about my feelings and still don't. As a teen I went through a phase where I was always angry because they kept laughing at me and never cared if I was hurt. I remember throwing things in rage because they mocked me and they didn't give a damn. They just laughed.

So, as a grown woman, being taught self‑respect and having someone actually care about my feelings was an eye‑opener. Wait a minute! You actually care about my feelings? You realised my self‑deprecating humor could turn me into a permanent clown who never gets respect? You respect me??? Wow.

I felt like crying after that and I can't even explain why.

[Shekar]

I can relate, glad you have a good friend, OP.

[Manish]

He sounds like a genuine guy and a solid friend. Hold onto him, okay.

[Parth]

He sounds like a nice guy. Next time you have a negative thought, tell him and he'll help lift your mood.

[Juhi]

He gave good advice. I do make jokes about myself sometimes because it's funny, other times because I think I'm funny. But I actively avoid being vulnerable around people I know will attack me the moment I give them a chance (which is sooo many, everyone sucks). I've noticed a lot of people just look for your insecurities to use against you – it's disgusting. In a way, this style of humor can make that easier for them, especially when they repeat a similar joke with a more malicious tone that leaves a bitter taste.

[Gauri]

Sounds like a great friend... good advice... I learned that the hard way myself.

[Akhil]

Do you all only make these jokes when you're alone, not when other friends are around?

[Harendra]

He gave sincere advice and really seems like a good guy... cherish this friendship.

[Abhishek]

You know, an older brother gave me reassurance. My situation is similar to yours, now a bit better. Even when I put myself first I still feel guilty, apologise too quickly and am scared to stand up for myself. His words gave me calmness and the certainty that I'm not just a sack of rotten potatoes to be ignored.

[Damini]

That's solid advice. He seems like a caring friend. Take it to heart.

[Umesh]

He's a good friend. It really bothers me when people I love keep making a 'bit' of me in front of me. I get that you should be able to laugh at yourself, but it rarely comes from a happy place and can reinforce negative self‑beliefs. If you have to laugh at yourself, make sure you're not punching down. My best friend was like that, and her ex used it as an excuse to constantly put her down. It used to piss me off a lot, but the breakup made her realise she shouldn't let anyone do that.