I recently learned that my mother‑in‑law aborted multiple fetuses before my husband was born, about 30 years ago. Sadly, other family members have done the same since then. We're a very rich, highly educated family, but this completely clashes with my values. I feel disgusted, shocked, and I can't get over it. I used to think education would solve things, but it didn't help here. Edit – people keep asking about the father‑in‑law and in‑laws and their role. Yes, I blame them too. The mil wasn't forced, but the family definitely encouraged her. I think they're all to blame.
Are you sure they won't pressure you into doing the same?
My cousin had a daughter. During her second pregnancy, she was crying in the labour room saying, "They'll force me for a third if this isn't a boy." She ended up delivering a boy, but some families are just beyond messed up.
It always amazes me how some educated people think like this. It shows mindset and education aren't the same. I'd keep my distance – be polite and cordial but don't get emotionally close, otherwise more unpleasant things will surface.
What the heck, man! That really leaves a mark.
We need empathy. The world isn't just black and white, good and evil. She might have been valued less than her brother and felt pressure from her in‑laws and husband. She didn't grow up in a vacuum – she was raised in a society where men and women aren't treated equally.
I'm not surprised. The same thing happened in my own family with educated parents and extended relatives. My mother was forced to keep having children until she gave birth to my brother. I'm not condoning your mil's actions, but remember women of that generation were trapped in their marriages. Your mil would have had nowhere to go and no support. The obsession with a son is so deep‑rooted, and it's disturbing that the mindset hasn't changed.
Is this a Marwadi family?
You should also feel disgusted towards your father‑in‑law and his family. This isn't something you can just brush off – they deserve your anger. Just watch out for them trying to meddle in your life.
If I were you, I'd consider divorce. I don't think I'd feel safe raising kids with grandparents who killed female fetuses because they were obsessed with having a son. Their misogyny will inevitably affect any daughters, and it's likely to show up in many aspects of how they raise your husband.
My maasi had to give birth to four daughters because her mother‑in‑law wanted a son. When she was pregnant with the last girl, the in‑laws tried to force an abortion, but she begged the doctor not to. The doctor told them that aborting could endanger the mother's life, so she saved the baby.