I've been noticing a pattern both in my hometown and among women in cities who are studying, doing well in their careers or planning higher studies. Most of them are ambitious graduates with big dreams. But once they hit the so‑called marriage age (there's really no fixed age), things start changing.
Some people hesitate, others say you can still chase your dreams after marriage. But within a year of tying the knot, many women end up pregnant. Their studies and aspirations get pushed aside, eventually shelved.
A few manage to juggle a job and a newborn, but many end up giving up. I wouldn't wish this juggling life on anyone – they look exhausted, eyes dark from lack of sleep, and often seem lost. My heart aches seeing them with no real support.
If anyone tells you you'll be able to study properly after marriage, trust me, the chances aren't great, especially if your partner pretends to understand.
Just to add, you really should become financially independent before tying the knot!
Totally agree. I've seen it with women early in their careers. A 24‑year‑old just starting out usually earns less, while the groom, around 27‑28, often makes more. Eventually she's expected to quit her job and look after the home because she doesn't earn much. Many women quit even before their first promotion, not realizing their salary could grow exponentially and that they could hire help for household chores.
Studies alone aren't enough. Women should wait to marry until they're financially independent. I'm currently prepping for exams and my mom has already started looking for a groom. I had a huge argument with her and told her flat out that I'll never marry unless I'm financially independent. Plus, I believe everyone has the right to choose their own partner, so I can't accept an arranged match I don't want.
I'll share a western‑style perspective. My parents are hustlers who run a business and have many siblings who pitch in, so I had strong family support. I'm an only child, so I don't have that safety net, which makes life a bit lonelier but also independent.
I completed my career, got my degree, married, and then had a child. My love for my child outweighs any job love, and I feel work sometimes interferes with being truly present at home. My husband is great – he helps, cleans, cooks, and watches our son in the mornings while I'm at work. I take evenings and weekends when he's at work. It's exhausting, but motherhood is a sacrifice that gives back.
He's an entrepreneur without insurance, and I live in a country where insurance is pricey, so my job provides it and I have to stay employed. If he had coverage, I'd jump at the chance to stay home with my kid.
I'm not sure why this thread popped up, but it highlights deeper issues: a man's respect for women, his ability to share household load, and his role as husband and father. Real Indian mothers have lived experiences to share, but if you're not a mother yet, you might seek married women without kids for advice, while also checking values and religion, as some faiths see marriage as a path to children.
Here's another angle – some parents only want to educate their daughters so they look good for an arranged match. Even in‑laws who claim they don't want daughters‑in‑law working actually prefer educated women, but not financially independent ones. They want a girl who can 'adjust' and manage the home while their son works – and the son isn't even expected to fetch a glass of water.
There are also parents who say they can't afford education and push their daughters toward government exams – which is a huge scam. Most girls don't clear those exams in 1‑2 attempts, and the failure is used to pressure them into marriage. The government exam scam also keeps daughters at home all day.
Another viewpoint – it really depends on your resilience and support system. I'm in the final stretch of my MBA and got married during it. My husband said two things: 1. My career and studies are as important as his; he's a CA and after my MBA I'll join a Big 4 as a digital transformation consultant. 2. It's fine if we have kids a year or two later – we both turned 26 last December and want to settle before starting a family.
It's been about 8 months since the wedding and I'm writing this from my hostel. We've even managed long‑distance. So it really comes down to your partner's values. I argue with him over many things, but every day I'm grateful to have a man who treats me as an equal partner. All this from an arranged marriage – I feel truly blessed.
I'm from Delhi, living abroad. I got married two days after graduation, with the whole family cheering. It's been five months and I've never been happier. We run a business together, I'm doing CFA and planning a bigger wedding back in India, and I feel fully supported.
From the start I made it clear I won't have a baby until I'm 26‑27 and we've reached a certain lifestyle first. He's on board, and we're careful about it. Even if we decide to have a child later while I keep studying, we've discussed that he'll stay home to look after the baby – that's why we want that lifestyle first, so we don't worry about his or the child's future every minute.
Both our families were once broke but rebuilt everything, so we understand that having a baby without proper support would be the worst decision for us and the child.
This one time my mom and I went to a wedding of a schoolmate who finished school in 2017‑18. I finished in 2024. She's a teacher with a master's, already working, and after marriage moved to a bigger city for better teaching jobs, which she got.
When we learned she was an alumna, my mom assumed she was only 3‑4 years older and started saying, 'I'll get you married in a few years.' I calmly replied that I'd be 23‑24 then and still not finished my studies (I'm doing CA). She told me to 'complete your studies after marriage.' That conversation keeps nagging me, and it still makes me angry – why is marriage such a huge deal?