I have been married for a close to 1.5 year now my situation from start was never good but I think I ignored the red flags.
At the time of my marriage getting fixed my husband's mother had made a comment about weight and later on said "WE ARE NOT ASKING FOR ANYTHING THE BARE MINIMUM SHE CAN DO IS LOSE WEIGHT" I had cried for hours that day, the next day she had called and asked that I should seek a doctor who can help me lose weight through pills. That day onwards my relationship has been sour towards her.
Now that my brother in law is getting married and he is getting a car as a "gift" (by bride's aunt) but since the bride doesnt have a father they are having a tight budget, my mother in law said to my husband "my name parents didnt trouble us this much even though they didnt gave us a car" was i supposed to take it as a good thing or clearly see how greedy she is?
There is a constant comparison of dowry I had and what she is bringing, how she is the best daughter in law and how she has sacrificed his son for a below average girl.
My husband keeps on asking me to see the good side of things but I have cried suffered and been cornered manipulated way too many times.
My husband is a lawyer doesnt make that much in comparison to me at times nill. I am doing everything from earning to maintaining a household paying bills making investments and saving too. All this has got too much overwhelming for me.
My mother in law keeps taunting me as to how the new bride keeps buying her gifts and i dont do anything, I dont feel like doing so even since she has made me cry so much. Once we were cutting dry fruits and she told me "this isnt your mother's house cut properly".
I am devastated and really depressed.
I am back to the same point I was few months ago, nothing changes nobody sees my efforts and nobody ever appreciates me. I keep imagining scenarios where I might get into an accident and die, or i fall or some accident happens and my life ends.
I really dont know what to do with my life.
Im so sorry you are going through this.
Please take a break and stay with your parents/friends for a few days to just give yourself a breather at least and then you can take a rational decision.
I would suggest to speak to your husband very clearly about all of this and suggest living separately. Because women such as your MIL do not change and in fact only get worse over time.
In my own personal opinion, I wouldn't want the future father of my kids to be so spineless that he cant stand up for me despite being a witness to my suffering. Just imagine the pressure you already are under and then eventually if you have a baby then essentially raising your child also by yourself while he barely contributes to your emotional well being.
But ultimately divorce is a decision you will have to make when your mind is clear and not overwhelmed like it currently is.
Please please take a break. God knows you need it.
LEAVE. You leave your house and marry this guy for this? If love is the reason then he needs to step, if not its time to show yourself some kindness.
i think what you need is distance. but assuming that is not possible, you need detachment from your MIL (easier said than done, i know). you need to speak to your husband about this in detail, letting him know how badly this is affecting you. speak to a professional regarding your situation. reddit is prone to extremes where the first suggestion itself is a divorce. I can see that you are suffering a lot, hang in there OP!
communicate (although I know it'll be hard) and hopefully your husband will see reason and help ease your aches. much love.
One of the reasons value matching os more important.
Anyways it all depends if he is the raja beta and won't call out his mother's bs then you are looking for miserable life ahead.
The wedding should have called off right when monster- in-law commented on your weight.
Mother in law from hell
Hey, why don't these guys have the guts to take a stand for their wives? Why are they so easily swayed by their mothers and have no guts, even when they know their mother is totally wrong????? You give birth to a son, and the same thing will pass on to his wife. Why can't they break this vicious cycle?
There are too many red flags here. First of all, dowry. Why did you even agree to that? That itself was a massive red flag. If something like that was already happening, the mindset of the family was clear from day one.
Second, your mother-in-law. The way she talks to you is not normal. And the fact that it has continued means she knows she can get away with it.
But the biggest issue here is your husband. How is he okay with this? How is he watching all of this and still telling you to "see the good side"
And you? You are financially running this house. You earn, you manage everything, and still you are tolerating this? Bhai, what's the point of living a life like this?
Stop being nice. It is clearly not working. Be rude if you have to. Set boundaries. Refuse to engage. You do not owe your mother-in-law anything, especially after how she has treated you.
And honestly, if it gets to that point, walk out. Tell your husband to fix his family and his stance before expecting anything from you.
Also, the fact that you are imagining accidents just to escape this situation is very serious.
You are independent. This is exactly why financial independence matters. So you do not have to stay in situations that are breaking you.
Why are you still choosing this for yourself?
I'd suggest you stay seperate with your husband. He's a lawyer, I think he should understand your concerns as it's a relatively new marriage.
Paying bills for them and their house is an indirect DOWRY
If you live alone you will have life 10x better . Just think of this.