It's pretty sad that even being AIR 2 in CA isn't enough if you're not fair-skinned, right?
my parents have this story that they keep telling and it honestly always shocks me. we have a relative who's like the perfect match in the traditional sense - AIR 4 in CA, then IIM and Rank 10. apparently, he's also 'fair, tall, and handsome' which makes him even more impressive. he married a woman who's arguably more accomplished than him - she got AIR 2 in CA and Rank 2 at IIM. but whenever my parents describe her, they say something like 'she's dark-skinned and short, but she's very smart'. it sounds like they're saying 'look how amazing this guy is, he still married her even though she's not good-looking'. when i saw her photo, she looked completely normal - pretty, actually. the only thing 'wrong' was that she wasn't fair-skinned. it just shows how deeply ingrained colorism is. in their minds, her intelligence and achievements had to 'compensate' for her skin tone, while his fairness added to his value. the fact that someone can be AIR 2 in CA, Rank 2 at IIM, and still be introduced with a qualifier like 'but she's dark' says a lot about how society evaluates women. it's crazy how normalized that mindset still is.
often when the woman is more accomplished, the family tries to put her down because they're insecure. i've seen it around me - they attack her physical features or character. when some men in my family want to put me down, they say i'm arrogant or something about the way i look. it's their insecurity and women shouldn't care about it.
i have post-acne marks on my face and that's a defining factor, not my accomplishments as a doctor. my dusky skin is also looked down upon by relatives who didn't even pass class 10.
india's obsession with fair skin is pretty weird. a friend told me that her parents asked her to keep her skin fair so she can easily get married.
i'm equally accomplished as my husband, and better than him at life. yet the only compliment i ever got from my in-laws is that i'm fair-skinned.
oh my god, i just got off a post about men wanting fair brides as a preference. i literally said the same thing there. in our society, skin color has worth, so wanting a fair partner isn't just a preference. no matter what a person achieves, their worth will always be through their skin color and everything else is an afterthought - 'oh, so dark but still beautiful', 'oh, i'm surprised she's smart because she's dark'. it really pisses me off!
i honestly can't relate to this. in my family, academic accomplishments are valued the most. everything else gets dismissed if the IQ factor is there.
i don't like this idea of redemption to start with. women don't have to be brilliant to make up for not being traditionally beautiful. women are people and they can be average. merit or beauty isn't the price women need to pay to exist. congratulations on the AIR, though. don't expect people with low IQ to understand your merit. you'll find your people, i promise. the guy needs to take a stand for her and if he doesn't, it's his problem.
one reason i don't want to get married is that no matter how accomplished you are, you'll be judged. i'm short and fat, lol. already dealing with this in my own family, now i don't want to deal with someone else's family, no thanks.
it's not racism, it's misogyny.
my friend, who has a wheatish to darker skin tone, used to nag me about my color (i'm NC25). she'd say that truly beautiful people are more tan and that fair people hide behind their 'color halo'. she recently had a son through IVF who's very fair, and now she can't stop talking about how fair and beautiful her child is. she even says that strangers stop her on the street to compliment her child! people often criticize what they secretly value but feel insecure about.