Me, 29M. My dad is heavily involved in finding a bride for me. He has registered me on all the community portals back in my hometown. I don't like those portals, so I created a profile on Jeevansathi and manage it myself.
He keeps showing me girls from the community sites, but I haven't found anyone interesting, so I keep rejecting his suggestions. Most of the girls he shows aren't my type.
When I show him the matches I get on Jeevansathi, he immediately rejects those too.
Yesterday I told him, "You keep rejecting the girls I like, but you want me to like the ones you recommend. Stop looking for a bride; I'll do it myself." He got really angry and started shouting, "I am your dad. I haven't forced you to marry anyone of my choice. In my time we didn't have this privilege of choice. I've shown you the best girls. You keep rejecting them. They are friends/relatives and it brings shame on me when you reject a girl...etc."
I just feel I should be the one to choose who I marry. What should I do? Need advice.
Just tell him you're gay and ask him to start looking for guys from your own community.
Tell him, "Aap khud shaadi kar lo" if you're so worried about what people will say. But seriously, stand your ground. Ask him how long he plans to keep showing you options from the community. Is it until he runs out of all options? He already knows you're not liking any of them. So if your reputation gets damaged after a point, that's his fault, not yours, because he's insisting you marry them when you've said you don't like them.
Remind him there's a reason he got you educated - so you could move up in life. A good partner on the same level will give you a better life than your parents. Also, don't be scared of his shouting. Let him have his tantrums. If you show fear and back down, he'll never stop. This is what I'd do in your place. Baaki you know best since you're the one in this situation.
Usually community portals have poor photo quality and basic hosting. Premium sites like Jeevansathi make profiles stand out. If a girl looks decent on a community portal, get her photos and profile on WhatsApp and then decide. On Jeevansathi, some profiles use heavy filters. That's been my experience too.
Stick to your belief. It's your life and your marriage. Maybe it's time to move out. If you keep living with him, he won't let you be happy with the person of your choice. Marriage is a big, lifelong decision, so you should marry someone you connect with. Otherwise you'll spend the rest of your life unhappy, and that's not worth the risk.
You must stay grounded, no matter how much you love your father. At this point he needs to understand you're not a kid anymore. So, be bold.
What kind of women do you prefer? Have you told him about your preferences - physical traits, social status, education, family background, etc.?
Many parents don't allow independent decisions early on. When a major decision like marriage comes, they feel their child isn't ready, so they step in and take control.
It becomes a tug-of-war: your dad worries about society, shame, and consequences, while you focus on what you want.
But remember, freedom comes with consequences. If you haven't handled many decisions before, this stage can feel like an experiment.
So tell your dad clearly that you're not refusing marriage, you just need time to talk and understand the person properly.
Also, if your dad likes someone, don't reject her outright. Talk to her once, see what she brings to the table, then decide. Maybe you both are just mismatched.
Tell him you're the one getting married, not him, and ask if he'd be okay with a divorce after the marriage if things don't work out.
Toh idhar kyun ro raha hai? What's the point? If you can't even handle a conflict with your own dad, where's the man in you? Go watch the film 'Ardh Satya' on YouTube, grow some balls, and face your father like a man.
Stand up for yourself. These things happen. Eventually they'll see you're not changing your mind, and they'll change theirs.