Posting after a long time. I found myself in a situation that mirrors Ketan's from Pune. It's scary because it raises a basic question: how do you protect yourself from someone who never clearly tells you what they want?
I was 26, engaged to a 20‑year‑old girl from Pune. Our families have known each other for over 50 years, so things moved fast. She wanted to marry after 2‑3 years, but both families pushed for a wedding within six months. Unlike Ketan's case we hadn't booked a venue or done a pre‑wedding shoot.
Looking back, there were signs - there are always signs. She seemed uneasy about the timeline, and my parents noticed the mismatch between what she said and what her parents wanted. Because of that, the engagement was called off.
My mistake was getting back with her. About 1.5 years later I learned she was in regular contact with her ex and was meeting him too. That, I realised, was a big reason the marriage talks kept getting delayed. I finally ended the relationship for good.
My question: in both my case and Ketan's, the women came from educated, well‑off, liberal families, yet neither communicated clearly what they actually wanted. Some call it oppression, others indecisiveness, emotional immaturity, narcissism, or simply keeping someone as a backup.
Whatever the reason, how can you protect yourself from ending up in this spot? You see videos of Siya smiling, laughing, enjoying the pre‑wedding shoot, yet we know how that story ended. I have seen my ex‑fiancée cry, fold her hands, ask for another chance, while lying to my face and making up stories on the spot.
If you can't trust a smile, tears, actions, or even words, then what can you trust?
My answer is simple: don't blindly trust any of them. Instead, give the other person a genuine choice. Tell them that if they don't want the relationship, they are free to walk away and that you will handle the consequences with both families and society. Remove the fear of disappointing parents, relatives, or anyone else.
In my view, that's one of the few ways to know whether someone stays because they truly want to, or because they feel trapped. And this shouldn't apply only before marriage. Even after marriage, both partners should know they have the freedom to leave if they genuinely don't want to continue. A relationship should exist because two people choose it every day - not because they feel they have no choice.
Take care, everyone.
> and that you'll handle the consequences with both families and society
I get where you're coming from, but it's not your job to take responsibility for someone else's indecisiveness. Every adult is responsible for their own choices, and parents or society can't bear the blame. A 20‑year‑old should be able to stand up to his or her parents if they don't want to get married.
I know a case where the guy realised the girl was being forced by her mother, but he didn't end things from his side. It's baffling - why stay with someone who never chose you?
Signs are always there - you just need to learn to read people, even their non‑verbal cues and body language. Notice how they react to your affection, the way they talk, physical contact, etc. You can learn a lot.
My older brother dated a girl in college. I wasn't sure about my brother, but I always felt something was off about her - her lifestyle, the clothes she wore, the places she visited, the people she hung out with - none of it seemed right.
One night she called me drunk and said she was meeting someone at a hotel at 4 am. I lost all respect for her. I made it clear that she could be my brother's girlfriend or someone he has fun with, but she would never be my sister‑in‑law or step into our house. I let my parents know the same. When she realized we would never accept her, she eventually broke up with my brother and married a guy who had been interested in her for a long time.
When emotions overtake logic, cases like yours happen. From all my experience, if you end up giving the benefit of the doubt to someone who keeps messing things up, it's already the end of the road.
The idea that Siya thought killing him was easier than confronting him about her relationship is just beyond madness.
Why are families still pushing 20‑year‑olds into marriage? Why do people agree to marry a 20‑year‑old woman now? It was common three decades ago, but things have changed.
So she was 15 when you were 21, and you knew she was uncomfortable.
Stop marrying 20‑year‑olds. Their prefrontal cortex isn't fully developed yet.
What made you say yes to a 20‑year‑old? I don't think her family is liberal as you claim. No liberal family would force a 20‑year‑old to marry someone much older.
I think I can guess why she stayed with you even though she didn't want to. I'm in a similar spot - my relatives and family forced me for three months to marry a guy. I finally got engaged, but I still feel nothing for him. I've told him more than 15 times that I'm not interested, I don't like him and I don't want to marry him. He keeps saying, "but I love you", "I'll love you more and take care of you", "You'll fall in love too". I can't understand how anyone can lack so much self‑respect.
I've also told my parents over 15‑20 times, but they don't listen because society, honour and what four people will say matter more to them.
Now I'm stuck - either I end my own life or keep suffering by marrying him, and even if I don't marry him I'm suffering because my parents have stopped talking to me and I'm isolated.
They'll probably try to convince me to marry again the same way they did for the engagement. What should I do now?
I'm not saying murder is justified, but we need to look at what this society forces a girl to endure.
The problem is marrying a 20‑year‑old. Traditions should evolve with time - child marriage was once normal, but we wouldn't marry two kindergarten kids today, would we?