My son is 2.5 years old. My brother‑in‑law and sister‑in‑law have a 1.5‑year‑old daughter. We all live in the same apartment building on different floors and my in‑laws live downstairs. Since my son was about 6 months old, he has been spending his mornings there while my husband and I are at work. We have a full‑time nanny, and later my BIL/SIL also started sending their daughter with their nanny because they have a similar work schedule. So the two kids ended up sharing a daytime space.
When my niece started coming regularly, my SIL told my MIL that her baby wakes up easily from sounds and didn't want both kids sleeping in the same room. At first they used another bedroom, but later said it was too noisy. My son, who had already been sleeping in the master bedroom, was then asked (through my MIL) to shift to another bedroom with our nanny while they used the master bedroom. I adjusted because their baby was younger.
The kids would usually be fed together by the nannies in the master bedroom and would play together there during the day.
Recently, my SIL again told my MIL that her daughter has started asking for phones because of my son's influence and requested that my son be fed in another room. This is a small 2‑BHK apartment, so my son is now being restricted to one room.
What started bothering me was that in every situation, my son seemed to be the one expected to move rooms, eat separately, sleep separately, etc. Even at relatives' houses (when I wasn't there a couple of times) during nap time, my SIL would ask my nanny to take my son to another room so her daughter could sleep in the preferred room.
So instead of arguing, I calmly told my MIL that it's okay, but I'd rather reduce how much time my son spends downstairs instead of constantly shifting him around. He can still visit for a few hours in the morning, but he'll now have lunch and naps at our own place upstairs.
I wasn't rude during the conversation, and my husband agreed I spoke reasonably.
Was this overreactive, or does this sound like a fair boundary after repeated adjustments?
Very fair boundary. Your SIL seems to be creating a weird power play with the kids, eww. Why is she constantly sending your son to another room for feeding and napping? And why is your MIL backing her up?
Haha, wait till her daughter reaches that age. It's almost impossible to keep kids away from phones these days.
You can't lose if you refuse to play! Very fair boundary, by the way. Let your SIL play her games alone. You're protecting your baby.
I've been in a similar situation. Set clear boundaries with your family. Your son should not be treated like this.
Me? In his home? Absolutely not. God forbid they try to enforce their own boundaries.
A question – is the phone issue because your MIL is using a phone while feeding your son? If you're not comfortable with screens during feeding, that's a separate discussion you'll need to have.
That was a fair call. Are you thinking about daycare? My child is younger, but I think he'd benefit from playing with kids his own age. Often grandparents spoil the child and later blame the parents. My niece has gotten used to screens because grandma can't keep her hands off them.
Yes ma'am, you handled it very smartly without causing any drama. I understand how you felt. We all want the best for our kids, so you did nothing wrong.
Very nicely handled. I hope I can show the same maturity when I have kids. It's not an over‑reaction at all – well done.
My child is my responsibility. If I'm not happy with how things are around my child, I'll make the necessary arrangements. ♀