I've known my girlfriend for about 14 years. We started as classmates, became best friends and finally entered a relationship three years ago. We studied together through college and post‑grad and even worked together for a while.
A couple of years back I told my parents I wanted to marry her. At that time we were just starting our careers and not financially stable. My dad said we weren't mature or settled enough and raised concerns about community, caste and culture. My mom was strongly against it because of societal pressure and what relatives would think. Some unfair stereotypes about her background were also thrown at us, which hurt a lot.
Instead of getting emotional, we focused on building our careers. Recently we both cleared a competitive government exam and have stable jobs in the same field.
What confuses me is that my parents themselves had an inter‑caste, inter‑state love marriage and broke major social expectations in their time. My dad did say that if I truly decided to marry her and took responsibility, he would stand by me, but he never gave his emotional approval.
My girlfriend comes from a stable, educated family and I trust her completely after all these years. We have survived academic pressure, career struggles and family resistance together.
Now I'm wondering:
How should I approach my parents again?
How do I handle the emotional pressure of caste and society?
How long is realistic to wait for parental approval?
Has anyone gone through something similar where parents eventually accepted the relationship? I'd appreciate honest advice, especially from those who have dealt with family resistance in India.
TL;DR: Parents opposed marriage earlier due to career instability, caste and societal concerns. We focused on our careers and recently cleared competitive government jobs. Now we're figuring out how to approach parents again and whether waiting for full approval is realistic.
They're just scared of losing control. Why ask? Just tell them this is the person you're going to marry.
Tell them the caste system was created by the British. There's no such thing in our scriptures; jati and varna come from guna, and both of you have the qualities of a kshatriya. If that doesn't work, you can even consider legal advice. Meet her parents to show the kind of household she comes from.
You're 30, not 13. Marry her and invite your parents. If they come, great; if they don't, that's fine too.
If your parents' opinion matters that much, you could walk away and let her find someone else, or marry whoever they pick for you.
Remember, you had the courage to fall in love, so have the courage to fight for it.
Godspeed, brother. I'm rooting for you.
You're both grown adults. You don't need your parents' permission to decide how to live your lives.
Both of you are 30, financially stable, and have known each other for 14 years, so this isn't some impulsive phase. At some point you need to stop treating parental approval like the final exam of your life. Talk to them respectfully one last time, but don't put your future on indefinite hold because of caste, relatives or society drama.
Don't get trapped trying to convince society‑mindset parents forever—there's no finish line to that approval.
Just marry her right away.
If you let her go, you'll regret it for the rest of your life. Stop asking "what if they still don't approve?" Grow a spine. As a 30‑year‑old man, you've achieved nothing if you can't make your own decisions.
You know your gf, she's accomplished, you're compatible, you love each other and she wants to spend her life with you. Don't risk that for some random opinion. Your parents won't be with you forever—she will.
Tell your parents you know who you want to marry and there's no doubt in your mind. If they react negatively, say you're going ahead with the wedding and would love them to attend, but you're proceeding regardless. Expect emotional blackmail; they care more about reputation than you. You may need to cut contact for your mental health.
If you can't get your act together, stop seeking parental approval and just marry her. You deserve a happy life, not a lonely one.
You're a grown adult, OP. You've known each other for 14 years and both of you are well settled. This isn't a yes‑or‑no question for your parents. You're 30—kids would be looking to you for advice now. Act like it.
This decision is clearly yours. Don't ask for permission to marry your gf; just tell them you're getting married. Be firm and let them know there's no point in arguing or trying to convince you otherwise.
As another user pointed out, they're worried about losing control over you. A 30‑year‑old, well‑settled government employee still waiting for parental approval to marry his 14‑year‑old gf (who is also a government employee) makes me sad.
Have Indian parents made us so dependent that even a 30‑year‑old is treated like a kid?
Grow a spine and don't care what they think; it's your life.