I'm a 26 year old guy and I'm wondering why women on these marriage sites never want to talk about the things that are total deal breakers for them
I'm a software engineer and I'm looking to get married pretty soon, so I've been on Jeevansathi for a couple of months now. I'm a pretty outgoing guy, I've got a good income, and I've worked hard to build up my own assets. I like to be upfront and honest about what I'm looking for in a partner. I've got a few non-negotiables, like I don't drink or smoke, and I want someone who feels the same way. My idea is to just lay everything out on the table and see if we're compatible from the start. But the thing is, most of the women I match with don't want to talk about that stuff right away. They just want to get to know me first and then figure everything else out later. They'll say things like they can adjust to my lifestyle, but to me that's a red flag. I want someone who is naturally compatible with me, not someone who's just trying to change who they are to be with me. So I've got a few questions for you guys: why do women not want to talk about the important stuff right away, is it just because they don't want to scare people off, and how do you guys bring up the tough topics without coming across as too intense?
Honestly I can see both sides of this. You don't want to get really into someone and then realize that you're not compatible at all. But at the same time, you can't just ignore the important stuff. I think what you can do is just have a casual conversation and try to steer it in a way that you can figure out where they stand on the things that matter to you.
Sometimes these deal breakers are really personal and people don't want to share them with someone they've just met. It's not like you're going to tell a stranger all your deep secrets, right?
You're two people who are trying to figure out if you can spend your lives together, so of course you're going to have questions. Just try to have a conversation about it instead of making it feel like an interrogation. Ask them about what they're looking for in a partner, what their boundaries are, and then share your own stuff. That way you can both figure out if you're compatible without it feeling too intense. And just so you know, saying you can adjust to someone's lifestyle isn't always a bad thing. It really depends on the situation. If someone is a heavy smoker and they say they'll quit for you, that's a red flag. But if someone only does something occasionally and they say they can cut it out, that's not so bad. The idea is to find someone you can compromise with and find a middle ground.