Got married through an arranged setup. My wife is short-tempered and stubborn – she'll go to any length to protest or get her way.
What bugs me is her friendship with a male colleague. He calls her every 4-5 days, and I never hear what they talk about because I'm not around. She says it's purely platonic, but how do two working adults find time to call that often? She often says it's been a while since she met him, and the guy seems to ignore boundaries. I keep wondering why he keeps calling a married woman.
I'm spiralling and need solid advice. Thanks!
Edit: She has more male friends than female ones, and whenever I ask, she gets defensive about them.
Edit: There are two friends like this, one of whom has asked me for money a couple of times in the last year. When I refuse, she says she wants to keep the friendship, but they keep coming back.
That's why you should have some experience with women before marriage, otherwise you end up like this. Beware, they can be real sharks, brother.
Talk to her about this and tell her you're uncomfortable with her frequent chats with that platonic friend. Ask her if you would feel okay if the roles were reversed with a female friend. If she still protests, consider involving her parents – in an arranged marriage they can step in and help sort things out.
Bro, is he her ex-boyfriend?? This doesn't feel right, something shady is going on.
Whatever you think is happening behind your back is actually happening.
Why don't you treat your female friends the same way and see how she reacts? She should also get a taste of how it feels to be in your shoes.
Tell her directly that those late-night private calls with a guy who clearly doesn't respect that she's married make you uncomfortable. If she takes it seriously, she'll discuss it with you and find a solution that works for both of you. But if she gets defensive, flips it on you, or says you're being unreasonable, that's the real answer.
Some women use their temper as an excuse to get what they want. Many men think they have to stay calm and patient to avoid a bigger fight, and that's where the problem starts.
Regarding this guy, you need to talk to your wife clearly and point out that her short temper can make serious issues worse. She may try to blame you, but you have to keep the conversation going.
She must understand your discomfort and make an effort to ease it. At the very least she should clarify the nature of the relationship, be more transparent, or even stop talking to that guy. She needs to realise it's not worth ruining the marriage and try to put herself in your shoes.
If things get worse instead of calming down, think of concrete steps. Don't bow to her demands just because of her nature. Your personal life isn't worth a partner who can't adjust and respect you.
A healthy marriage requires understanding from both sides, not just the husband.
Good luck.
Edit: She has more male friends than female ones, and whenever I bring it up she becomes defensive about them.
I don't get what you guys do during the courtship phase. You're ignoring two big red flags – short temper and a male best friend.
Do you have kids? If not, maybe think about walking away, brother.