I'm a 31‑year‑old guy working in Bengaluru, taking home about ₹1 lakh a month after tax. My wife is a homemaker and we have a 2‑year‑old daughter. My in‑laws, who both work and earn roughly ₹30,000 a month in a rural area, come from a much poorer background and can't understand city‑life costs – they see my salary as huge. Every month they ask for ₹10‑20k, and when I explain my own expenses – rent, the child's needs, savings – they just don't listen. My wife always backs her parents, leaving me feeling trapped. I'm barely able to set aside money for an emergency fund or my child's education.
My wife doesn't get the idea of "saving". She believes money should be arranged every month for daily use. She gets angry if I talk about saving with any friend, thinking I'm separating money from her comforts.
She gave me ₹3,000 for a pair of pants on my birthday, and recently she gave her uncle's family ₹20,000 from the pocket money I gave her. She doesn't want to save a single rupee.
You're in a tough spot. If your salary were cut to ₹50,000 a month, put the remaining amount into mutual funds for long‑term growth.
She needs to get a job.
I know you have a 2‑year‑old. Arrange a nanny or a daycare – it will probably cost more than what you currently give to your in‑laws, but someone has to learn the value of money, and that can't happen by spending someone else's cash.
Alternatively, start a SIP as early as possible, ideally within the first five days of the month. Save first, then spend on your monthly needs. You don't have to show spare cash mid‑month. Use a credit card for expenses and pay it off every month – it feels risky but it hides the cash you have, making it harder for others to demand money.
The best approach is a healthy, mutual conversation. You're partners for life, and both need to be on the same page about finances.
You'll need to work on your wife's financial literacy – it can take time because her upbringing shapes how she sees money. Ideally these talks would have happened before marriage, but it's never too late to start.
Meanwhile, you could tell your wife and in‑laws that you're on a performance‑improvement plan and your take‑home has dropped significantly. Let them see the pressure you're under; it may curb their requests. You might also explore getting some financial help from your in‑laws, which could make them understand your situation better.
Men need to set clear boundaries.
Talk to her, explain the child's education costs, and state clearly that you're happy to help her parents in genuine emergencies like health issues. For anything else, expect the money to be returned with interest.
Every rupee you give to your in‑laws is money that could have been invested in your child's education. Set clear priorities – your child's schooling should come before supporting adults who can earn for themselves.
Explain it to your family in those terms. If they still resist, remind them that you didn't magically start earning ₹1 lakh a month; education made that possible, and the same will happen for your child if you get the space to invest.
This is why having similar backgrounds and equal social status matters in marriage.
I've heard similar stories with people's own parents.
A child living away sends all his earnings home, expecting his parents to save and invest. The parents end up spending it on luxuries and relatives. When the child later needs money, the parents shrug and ask why he didn't save.
The same will happen to you. In the future a big expense will arise and they'll ask, "Why didn't you save? It was your responsibility!"
Why do educated people marry into families that aren't on the same social level?
1. Clearly lay out financial responsibilities with your wife. Tell her you're not obligated to support her parents financially.
2. Give money to your wife on a weekly basis rather than monthly. Either keep a spending tracker yourself or ask her to maintain one.
3. Remember that ₹1 lakh a month isn't a huge salary for a three‑person household in a metro city. Not having savings or investments is a massive risk. One emergency can disrupt your daily life.
I had a friend with the same issue. I visited his place, reminded him of the money he owes me and created a little drama. Now he keeps about ₹20,000 in a separate account saying it's for me. His wife dislikes me, but I don't mind.
My father's take‑home is around ₹3 lakh a month. He always says there's nothing left at month‑end because we spend it all. I didn't believe him, so I pulled out a notebook and recorded every transaction from his account for a year.
Our actual monthly expenses are about ₹120,000. The remaining ₹180,000 goes into investments. Follow my dad's example and do the same.