I'm a 29‑year‑old woman. I've been active in the arranged‑marriage/dating‑for‑marriage space for a while, and I'm getting really exhausted.
Whenever I start chatting with a guy, the first conversation feels normal, but by the second chat it suddenly turns sexual. Not even subtly – it's straight up uncomfortable and a huge turn‑off for me.
I'm looking for a life partner, so I want to discuss values, lifestyle, career goals, family expectations, emotional compatibility... things that matter in the long run. Instead, the focus shifts to physical/sexual topics almost immediately, and it makes me feel like women are being reduced to that.
Is this the new reality, or am I just unlucky?
Would love to hear from others – especially women in the same stage – are you facing this too? How are you coping without getting completely drained?
As a man, I'm sorry you have to face this. Truly sorry.
Also, are the guys you're meeting screened by your family or anyone else, or are they coming from matrimonial sites?
It really exhausted me.
Maybe ask your parents or siblings to vet first, and only after that get to know each other.
I feel the same way. It's draining, but I now treat it as an early screening – better they reveal their mindset early than waste weeks of my time. It helps me move on quicker to someone who truly wants something meaningful.
I think when spiritual values are missing, people tend to focus more on material things or physical desires. Spirituality is kind of a must.
Sorry you had to go through that. I'm in the same boat. Fortunately I haven't faced such experiences.
A: It depends on the platform. On dating apps, this scenario is common.
B: Even on matrimonial sites, I've noticed that when the account is handled by a parent (or at least says so), about 90 % of the prospects are genuine. Since parents are involved on both sides, the first few calls are more intentional.
When I had a self‑handled profile, people treated it like another dating site.
Hope this helps!
Hey! M30 here. As a guy I've had a different experience. The first two conversations go really well, sometimes we even move off Reddit, but by the third or fourth chat they just ghost. I've wasted months talking only to be ghosted, and none of my conversations turned sexual. If anyone wants to connect, feel free to reach out.
I keep meeting girls who don't want to discuss any of these topics. They immediately tell me to skip the questions and be lovey‑dovey all day. Whenever I bring it up, the conversation turns dry.
M34 here. It's so exhausting that I took a break and deleted all my profiles. Nobody seems serious about marriage anymore; everyone is just looking for a better option these days.
It's probably the platform. Dating apps tend to attract many people who claim they want something serious but quickly shift to flirty or adult conversations.
If you keep using dating apps, you'll encounter this often. The best approach is to unmatch those people and move on until you find someone who truly matches your vibe.
If that isn't working, try matrimony platforms. Profiles created or managed by parents usually filter out that behaviour (though creeps still exist) and you're more likely to meet people genuinely looking for long‑term relationships.