Hi, I'm a 29‑year‑old Marathi Brahmin woman and I've been actively looking for a serious marriage partner. Lately I'm feeling quite frustrated because most of the men I meet (late‑20s to early‑30s) don't seem serious about settling down. They say they're "open to something serious," but their behaviour feels very casual – like they just want to date, kill time, or keep things non‑committal.
I'm not against dating, but I'm at a point where I need clarity and intention. Instead I keep meeting guys who either don't put in consistent effort, avoid defining what they want, or disappear after a few meet‑ups.
Is this the new normal? Are most men hesitant about commitment, or am I just meeting the wrong ones?
Also, where are people actually finding genuine, serious partners these days? The dating apps haven't worked well for me so far.
There are all kinds of men out there; maybe you're attracting the wrong type.
Since the question is about men, let me answer. There are genuine men who want to settle, there are those who give false hope, and there are those who are unsure of what they want – it's best to stay away from the latter. Some men, even when they truly want to settle, behave differently with different women. If a woman isn't attractive to them, they'll lie and say they're not looking to settle now; if they find a very attractive woman, they'll go to the other extreme and do anything for her. Look for a balanced, genuine man, and if you meet his standards as well, you'll be satisfied – though finding such a man isn't easy.
People are burnt out from the hustle. Many don't even know what they want. Trying to achieve everything before turning 32 has taken a toll, and now they just want simple days with fewer burdens. They don't want to go through that grind again.
PS: just my opinion.
Maybe you're looking for men who are out of your league.
No, it's just that a majority of women aren't looking for commitment.
The thing is, when a man talks about something serious, some women think it's boring and only about marriage, so the men switch to a more casual vibe. By then the women might have another guy chasing them, so they also pull back and their intentions become unclear. It ends up being a double‑edged sword for men – they get cut from both sides.
Disappearing isn't just a male thing either.
The reality is that what women say they want and what they actually go after can be very different, and many women don't realise this gap, which creates the issues you're seeing.
All the women I've met had the same issue.
So it feels like something is wrong with us.
As a guy, I asked a similar question – why do some girls play games and act so entitled? Most of the answers I get are that these women just aren't attracted to me.
As a man, I feel the bulk of the effort falls on me. I risk rejection by asking someone out, I plan the date, usually drive the conversation, and I'm expected to pay. Then the cycle repeats for the next date. Many women I've met seem to think just showing up is enough for me to 'woo' them. In return I've been ghosted, had dates cancelled at the last minute after I've already paid for tickets, heard complaints about the venue, and even been told to be grateful they showed up after arriving an hour late – extreme lateness is common, often followed by a remark that I should just put up with it because I'm a man.
Women certainly face their own issues, but from my view the biggest gap is effort. They expect everything to be done for them, and apart from their looks they rarely invest in the early stages of dating. I've never had a woman ask me out, never had a woman pay, never felt they tried to keep me entertained, and never seen them suggest or arrange a date. They often complain about men's shortcomings but seem unaware of their own.
Try looking for men at temples.
Ask a Panditji for a rishta.
You won't find commitment‑phobic men there.