I got married a year ago and it was an arranged marriage, but we never really connected on an intimate level
We have been married for over a year now and it has been really tough for me because we have never been intimate, I tried to be understanding at first but it has been months and I suggested we go for therapy, but she kept saying she needed more time, I had a pretty active sex life before we got married but she had no experience, so I thought maybe she just needed some time to get comfortable, but it has been a year now and I have had enough, I filed for divorce five weeks ago, I had already found a lawyer two months ago but I was waiting to see if things would change, but they didn't, so I went ahead with it, I told her about it and she suddenly said she was ready to be intimate, but it felt forced and I realized I had started resenting her, I have been staying with a colleague since then and she has been trying to contact me, but I have not been responding, my lawyer says she is likely to contest the divorce and might even file for RCR, which could delay the whole process, I am just trying to figure out what to do next, I feel like I have been pretty patient and understanding, but I guess that is not enough, I just want to move on with my life now
How's the emotional connection between you two, is it just the intimacy that's lacking or is it a deeper issue
Stay strong, a dead bedroom can be really frustrating, you deserve better than that
Honestly, it sounds like you reached a point where you just couldn't take it anymore, and that's understandable, a year is a long time to be in a marriage with no intimacy, it's not just about sex, it's about feeling connected and wanted, the fact that she only said she was ready when you filed for divorce probably made it feel like she was just trying to hold on to the marriage, which can be really frustrating, at this point, it makes sense that you're sticking to your decision, mediation might still happen, but you have to think about your own needs and feelings
You need to make it clear to her that this isn't going to work, if someone is willing to push you this far, they will do it again, you can't just keep going back to the same situation and expecting things to change
Maybe she's just not interested in sex or intimacy, it's possible that she's asexual or something
I'm curious, why did you decide to go for an arranged marriage when you had an active sex life before, did you not want to pursue a love marriage
Why didn't you just marry one of the women you had a connection with before, it seems like you had a pretty active social life
Your past experiences are probably going to make it tough for you to settle down, no wife can compete with that kind of history, comparisons are inevitable, but you did the right thing by filing for divorce, she doesn't seem like she's really invested in the marriage, it's like she's just using you for social status or something, the whole 'I need more time' thing is just an excuse, in a new marriage, people are usually all over each other, they don't need time and space
I'm kind of in a similar situation, it's been a year and no intimacy, I suggested getting a divorce but my partner doesn't want to, they just keep saying things will get better, but I don't see how, I didn't have much experience before marriage, but at least I used to feel something, now it's just dry, I'm thinking of just leaving without discussing it, like you did
The update you posted later is really heartwarming, I wish you and your wife the best, you've been really strong and patient, I hope everything works out for you