Ladies and gentlemen, please don't jump into AM right after a breakup. If you do, be upfront with the person. Here's a chat I had:
Girl:
> I don't want to waste your time, so I'll be clear from the start. I just ended a four-year relationship that was heading towards marriage because of long-distance issues. We couldn't find common ground, so my family and I decided to end it and move on.
Me:
> Okay, but how would that waste my time?
Girl:
> I mean, would you have a problem with that?
Me:
> How recent is this?
Girl:
> A little over a week. The breakup phase lasted about 2.5 months.
I replied:
> I don't mind your past, it's just the timing. Give yourself proper healing time before inviting someone new. Take your time, heal completely, then maybe look for a match through matrimony.
There was no judgment, we ended on a good note. I even gave her space to vent about her ex, and it was overall chill.
I respect her for being completely transparent. Life unfolds differently for everyone. Instead of putting anyone in a tough spot later because circumstances turned sour, own up to your situation, take accountability, and handle it yourself.
That's all, folks!
Huge respect for her
"So my family and I decided to end things and move forward."
Imagine living your whole life like it's a massive group project.
Someone who keeps dating without moving on is a terrible person.
That seemed really mature of you to discuss it upfront and end amicably. Thanks for sharing this perspective!
If she just got out of a relationship, nope, not for me. I'd take a year or two to cool down, explore myself - not romantically but through travel, hobbies, books, etc.
I'd never jump into something after a four-year relationship with zero cooldown and then marry a poor girl, forcing her to cope with my unstable state. I'd rather take two years of cooldown first.
I'd even be blunt about my past, like saying I've only slept with two people in my whole life, both under the influence of alcohol because I was a fool a decade ago. That's better than sugar-coating it.
Just tell the blunt truth about yourself too.
I had the exact same experience. Within a minute of the call she started unloading her story. It was clear she was still emotionally attached to the guy, so there was no point continuing, but I didn't want to be rude and hang up. Her story got worse as she shared more details. She's a 26-year-old teacher who said she was fooled by a guy she met on AM; he was 17 years older, lied about his age and caste.
When she finally was ready to listen, I told her she isn't ready for a new relationship and needs to move on first. She didn't like that and asked if I thought I was some kind of therapist.
I connected with a girl on a dating app. She said she'd just had a breakup and wasn't looking to date, just needed someone to talk to. A week later I saw her profile on Shaadi.com. Imagine how many guys will waste their time with her.