People hardly talk about this in our society. Many men are told to bottle up their feelings and just keep providing, which can really affect mental health.
Studies, though limited, show that almost 50 out of 100 married men have faced some form of abuse—physical or emotional. One ICMR study even suggests that the risk of abuse can rise with a man's economic status. As more men enter marriage with good earnings and little dating experience, spotting unhealthy patterns becomes important.
Some behaviours may seem normal, but when they repeat without any accountability they become abusive.
Here are a few red flags:
Constant criticism or putting you down: commenting on your skin colour, looks, body‑shaming you, or nit‑picking harmless things like how you walk, eat, dress or talk.
1. Constant comparisons: praising other men and expecting you to be like them. Example: "My sister's husband bought a 40‑lakh car, why don't you get one?" or "My colleague bought his wife a gold chain, why can't you?"
2. Insulting, humiliating or mocking you, especially in front of others—making fun of your income, height, looks and then calling you sensitive, a loser, or questioning your masculinity when you speak up.
3. Gaslighting: denying reality, making you doubt your memory or sanity. When you raise an issue, she makes you feel you're the problem. Example: you bring up something she said, and she makes you wonder if she actually said it.
4. Silent treatment as punishment: ignoring you for hours or days, withdrawing intimacy to control you and force the behaviour she wants.
5. Blaming you for everything, even things beyond your control. Example: you plan a trip and any hiccup is blamed on you, making you feel guilty.
6. Controlling behaviour: dictating who you can talk to, where you go, what you wear.
7. Isolating you from family or friends: demanding you cut off contact with your mom or relatives because she doesn't like them.
8. Threats of leaving, cheating or self‑harm to manipulate you, along with false case threats or divorce talks.
9. Emotional blackmail: "If you loved me, you would ..."
10. Withholding affection, love or communication on purpose.
11. Making you feel worthless: using phrases like "you're not manly enough" or "you don't earn enough".
12. Frequent anger outbursts meant to intimidate, even without physical violence.
13. Dismissing your feelings: "You're too sensitive" or "You're overreacting".
14. Keeping you in constant fear of saying or doing the wrong thing, lashing out over minor issues.
15. Playing the victim to avoid taking responsibility.
Not every mistake is abuse—no one's perfect. But when there's no accountability and the same hurtful patterns keep coming back, that's when it becomes abusive.
We really need a heartbreak‑prevention course for young men right now.
Lack of dating experience can be a real curse for men. Most of them don't know much about the opposite gender and end up in toxic relationships.
The simple rule is to walk away the moment you see these red flags during the search phase. My go‑to line is, "I think we have irreconcilable differences; it's best we end things and move on." I then block completely and cut off all communication, treating the person as if they never existed. Even as a single dad, this technique kept me safe. It may sound corporate or diplomatic, but being civil while ending things saves everyone's time.
Silent treatment isn't always abuse; sometimes she's just hurting and wants a chocolate, a flower, and a chat. Comparing you can be a way to motivate you or see how you can improve life together—just reassure her with confidence that everything will be okay.
Mood swings, especially during menopause or periods, are normal—even in the animal kingdom.
If she shows these signs, she needs love and pampering, not a mature old‑fashioned husband. Why would she want to abuse the only person who can give her a better future?
Consider a submissive partner because most girls are like that. I'm not judging, but a submissive partner can be a good option.
For both men and women