1. The rebound effect - a girl who's just gone through a breakup might want to get married ASAP, even if she's not over her ex. This can be pretty dicey because her feelings for her ex can resurface at any time. Warning signs: constantly comparing you to someone else, getting fixated on something her previous relationship had, and always talking about the 'new me'.
2. Forced window shopping - a girl who's already in a relationship, but her parents aren't okay with it, so they ask her to meet other guys casually, hoping she'll like one of them better. Warning signs: showing little interest in talking, making petty insults, and it can get ugly if she likes you but then dumps you for her ex.
3. Window shopping by choice - a girl who's in a relationship but still wants to check out other options to see what she's missing.
4. Delay tactics - a girl who's already with someone but hasn't told her parents yet, so she talks to you, shows some interest, but doesn't commit fully, and delays things for six months or a year. It's okay if she wants to give her relationship time, but it's not fair to the guy, who's wasting his time.
5. Gold diggers - you know how it is.
Note that this isn't just about girls, guys can be like this too
point 3 is pretty common, even guys' families do it
Every guy should save this and refer to it whenever they're talking to a prospect - 95% of them will fall into one of these categories. Detect the red flags early and get out ASAP. Look for those 5% who are genuine.
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All these archetypes are pretty good, but the problem is that the girl herself might not know which category she falls into. Her definition of these categories could be very different from her perspective and the groom's perspective.
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6. When someone says they're over their past relationship, they're using their own yardstick to measure what 'over' means. For some, it means they're not in a relationship but still friends with their ex on social media or in the same friend circle. For others, it means they're not in touch with their ex but are open to talking if their ex reaches out after they're married. And for some, it means they've got no contact with their ex, but the memories they made are still etched in their mind, and they're always comparing everything in their marriage to their ex. It's always safer to go for someone with no past - arranged marriage is pretty practical in its norms.
I've got a friend whose girlfriend has been in a relationship for 6-7 years, but recently she's started using matrimony apps and connected with some guy, and they've started talking. Turns out this guy's family used to be my friend's neighbors, and they asked her about her friend, and she was pretty surprised but told them the truth - that her friend was in a relationship for 6-7 years. My friend was surprised and confused, wondering if this was really her friend or not, so she asked her friend about it, and her friend said that sometimes she has fights with her boyfriend and when she does, she starts checking out and talking to guys on matrimony to figure out if all men are like her boyfriend or not. She said this with a straight face, and my friend was pretty taken aback!
I didn't get point 4, sorry, I'm really clueless
Aren't points 3 and 4 kind of contradictory? Either you meet 3-6 prospects, or you waste 2-4 months on one person who shows red flags after 3 months. Honestly, people who get into arranged marriage setups are usually established in their careers, between 25 and 30, and they want to get married within a year but are willing to wait 3 years for a good match. Seeing multiple people is common for both guys and girls, and it's not like the person themselves is saying they want to see 200 people - it's usually the parents who see multiple matches for their kids. This isn't arranged marriage where the person getting married is the main deciding factor - it's the whole family that's involved.
This is what I wrote a few days back - an arranged marriage checklist for red flags. 1. If they say they don't know why they're getting married and are totally dependent on their family for the decision. 2. No clarity on their career and life direction - they don't know what they're doing or why they're doing it. 3. Parents dominating the conversation, and the girl is not talking directly - instead, her parents are handling the relationship. This can create issues because you'll have to deal with her parents for everything. 4. If she dodges important questions and can't have a deep conversation. 5. Emotional maturity and victim mentality - like blaming others for her life circumstances, and not having the courage to take responsibility for herself. 6. Being in too much of a hurry to move forward, or being too busy to communicate or respond. 7. Clinginess, and a big difference between presentation and reality.