I know this is a controversial topic here, and I'm sharing my view as a woman. I'm 25 f, never dated anyone. In school and college I was studious, involved in extra‑curricular activities and an introvert who liked being alone. People say I'm above average in looks. In college I felt I wasn't mature enough to date, so I never gave a positive response to guys – they usually texted, and I'd change the subject or ignore them. My family is conservative and prefers arranged marriage, so I wanted to keep a 'good girl' image for that. Many hostel‑mates were secretly dating and lying to parents, which I never wanted to do.
Now I have a good job abroad, but I'm struggling to find a suitable partner through arranged marriage. I see many friends who dated in school or college are already married (not necessarily to the same person). Because they started early, they've learned to communicate, set boundaries and know what they want in a partner. I usually get only 2‑3 dates with a match before one of us loses interest, because in arranged marriage the goal is marriage, and any mismatch on non‑negotiables ends things quickly. There's no real learning curve for building a relationship.
I feel I should have given dating a chance during college to understand how relationships work. I hear men say women with a past find it hard to get married, but I haven't seen that. Many women with a past are extroverts with good social skills; they break up and find another partner and eventually marry. I think the arranged‑marriage culture in India stops young men and women from developing essential early relationship skills that people in other countries pick up more easily.
True, even a simple chat with a stranger online teaches us a lot about ourselves, and we do better the next time we interact.
So in dating it definitely helps.
Instead of dating just to gain experience, if someone believes in having no past before marriage (mainly because of physical relationships in India) they could still date with clear boundaries or even keep it platonic.
In your case, try a 3‑6 month period of getting to know each other and going on dates in an arranged‑marriage setup to see if it works, rather than pressuring yourself. Also, learn to say "No" without feeling guilty.
That sounds logically correct.
I've met matches who haven't moved on from their past, or who stay defensive because they were hurt. Some are still in contact with their ex, or agree to marry for convenience while continuing an affair – it can happen to both genders, not just women.
The biggest downside of being with someone who has no relationship experience is that they often have unrealistic expectations of marriage, thinking it will be all love and roses. When reality falls short, fights and disappointments arise. Still, many think that risk is less than dealing with someone who still carries a past. How can anyone be sure their match is 100 % moved on?
The part many men and women don't get is boundaries.
There's no virtue in avoiding the opposite gender or not getting any interest, and using that as an excuse for having no past.
In my opinion you should learn to talk to the opposite gender, go on dates, figure out what you want and don't want in a relationship, and keep working on yourself so you stay desirable. During that process, keep clear boundaries between what's acceptable with people who aren't your future spouse and what's reserved only for the person you'll eventually marry.
Well, it's up to you. If you think having no past adds no value, you can always create a dating‑app profile.
You could find a guy with a past who's willing to guide you.
Live life the way you want; other people's opinions shouldn't dictate your choices if you don't buy them.
I'm exactly like you – I focused too much on studies and career and not enough on dating. I've seen women who dated a lot end up with great husbands because they can vet men, be more discerning and find loving partners. Women who followed the traditional path of obeying parents, staying at home and avoiding opposite‑gender interaction often end up with terrible husbands – abusive, controlling and unromantic. They get stuck with men who just want a wife with minimal effort.
Don't listen to men who complain about a past; most of it is nonsense from podcasts and reels that paint every woman as a sl*t. Marriage is a gamble for women too. If you're stuck in a bad marriage, no law or family will help; everyone will tell you to adjust while the husband lives his way. Learn to date more, be discerning, filter out manipulators whose words match their actions, and find a good man. Don't buy the past‑talk men spout online.
The reality is people either accept it or not. A woman's chances of getting a good groom depend mostly on looks and personality – that's about 80 % of the equation.
A very attractive woman with a high body count will get married more easily than an average‑looking woman with a low count.
For you, unless you had a crazy sex drive, you didn't miss out on much. You missed out on drama, sure.
There's nothing good or bad about it... people with no past can have bad character and vice‑versa. It's just personal preference. You're not old, you live abroad, so why stress about arranged marriage? Date if that's what you want.
I hate this sub; it's full of pathetic, insecure losers.
My personal view is quite liberal. I think you should never be someone's first love or relationship unless you're both each other's first, especially after age 27‑28. I know two women in my circle who had pretty toxic pasts but are now happily married, so it really doesn't matter.