I don't even know where to start. I'm sitting alone in my room typing this with swollen eyes and a suitcase I packed two hours ago. I left. Not him. Me. I walked out. And he shut the door behind me.
We got married under the Special Marriage Act six months ago. Love marriage. I chose him. I believed in him. I believed in us.
Let me tell you about my wedding day — the day I was supposed to feel like the most loved woman in the world. He wanted to drink with his friends. So he asked me to leave the hall. To go keep my dad company so he wouldn't be "alone." The truth? He wanted me out of the way. On our wedding day.
Later that night, we went to pick up some things from his house before heading to the hotel. He made me wait. Thirty minutes. While he was secretly drinking with his brothers and cousins. On our wedding night.
Our honeymoon? Nine days. He drank the first five nights. We didn't have sex. Not once in those five days. I spent my honeymoon next to a man who chose a bottle over me every single night.
And then life after the honeymoon. The jokes about my hair. My weight. My appearance. Small cuts, every day, until I stopped looking in the mirror the same way.
Every time I told him I wasn't getting enough love or attention, he had the same script ready — "You don't understand me. You're always complaining. You stress me out." I started believing it. Maybe I was too much. Maybe I was the problem. Maybe if I just asked less, needed less, complained less, he'd finally show up.
He never did.
When I cried after fights, he never once came to hold me. Not once. He'd let me sit there, tears streaming, and carry on like nothing happened.
This week his sister came for summer. He stayed with me one day out of seven. One. Today he told me his mother is lonely. Everything he says is designed to make me feel like he doesn't want to be here. When I asked him — just once — "Have you ever wondered how I feel?" — he blew up. Said I always stress him. That I systematically refuse to understand him.
I cried. I packed my bag. I left.
And he shut the door.
Not "wait." Not "let's talk." Not "don't go." He shut the door.
I still love him. That's the worst part. I'm not leaving because the love is gone. I'm leaving because the love was only ever coming from one side. I kept pouring into something that never filled up. And every time I tried to say "I need more," I was made to feel like I was asking for too much.
I'm 6 months into a marriage and I'm already thinking about divorce. I know what people will say. "You didn't try hard enough." "Adjust karo." "Every marriage has problems." "It's too soon to give up."
But I need someone to hear me. I didn't give up. I gave everything. He gave me a shut door.
I don't know what comes next. I don't know how to live a life I didn't plan for. I had dreams. I had a whole future mapped out: the house, the festivals together, growing old together. I'm grieving a life that never existed.
If you've been here, if you've loved someone and left anyway, how did you survive it? How did you stop reaching for your phone? How did you stop replaying the good memories and convincing yourself you made a mistake?
I'm not looking for advice on how to fix my marriage. I'm looking for proof that there's something on the other side of this.
Because right now, all I can see is the door he shut.
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You did the right thing always remember
YOUR VALUE IS GREATER THAN YOUR DESIRES
I know it will take lot of strength but don't go back, start fresh with your life and this time love yourself more!
Sorry OP that you had to go through this. This will pass, you will be better, just give it some time. Use this energy on something productive to improve your skill set. If you don't mind me asking didn't you see these redflags before marriage?!
Don't go back, whatever happens.
Sorry for happened to you .. just a question why could you not notice his this behaviour before marriage ??
Did you fall in love and then marry without assessing him?
Did he become bad or change right after marriage?
You did right OP. It's ok even if it is a short marriage. I am glad you have self respect to take this decision. Only one mistake I think you are doing is "still love him" thing. You should understand one sided love in marriage, that too from woman's side goes against her. Also, he has done nothing for you, that you love him.
Hey, don't get me wrong. But in cases of the special marriage act, what I have seen, boys marry girls from the upper caste to boost their family and friends. This might not be the reason in your case, but I have seen 2 cases around me, where they got married and left their girls, then boasted about how manly they felt after having sex with the girls whose caste people never respected them
My dear OP, i am so sorry you are going through this. But let me tell you something- YOU ARE BRAVE. Because you chose yourself. And its not easy. And not everyone has the guts to do it. And choosing yourself is incredible. And you know what is the best part? You have taken this decision quite early. It is good to take a stand for yourself. If the man realizes his mistake, good. If he doesn't- better. I know it is hard. But that is life. And you ll come out of this feeling. Life is long my dear. You have your whole life ahead of you. Keep your chin up. Find your circle. Someone you can lean on. This will pass. And you ll be at a better place. My dms are open for you. And I am a woman who has herself gone through some hard times. Feel free to reach out to me.
You did the right thing. Please ignore people who are asking questions here like why didn't you do this or that before. Hugs and lots of strength to you! Please be kind to yourself and do not try finding faults in yourself. At this moment you need strength and that will come as you will focus on future rather than past.
I married a man who loved the bottle more than me and left him when I realized I was slowly dying of a thousand paper cuts. I know what you must have gone through. I am much farther along the journey than you, two years from when we separated, and I can tell you that it gets better. It will get worse of a while, and the grief will be debilitating, but you will crawl out of it.